WE THOUGHT THIS DAY would never arrive. I mean, the Ohio Republican primary. To borrow a recent reference to Californians by our Gov. Kasich, the four wackadoodles who formed the GOP candidate pack will have to turn their attention elsewhere and Ohioans will be able to breathe clean air again.
It was not a campaign of highlights. Even when the wannabes pranced beyond the Buckeye State, the word instantly got back to us in 2o12's technological glare. For example, there was McMitt Romney singing about Davy Crockett in Tennessee in his usual atonality and telling us that. Gosh and Jeepers, there was nothing in America that he didn't love. (His wife Ann lately assured us not to take the family's Midas-like wealth seriously inasmuch as she really didn't consider herself wealthy. Image problem solved.) It made us yearn for the return of Herman Cain, who, if nothing else, had a great on-pitch voice.
Across Ohio, McRick Santorum continued to run as a Manichean seminarian dividing all of humankind between good and evil. Thankfully, I don't think he sang about it.
McNewt Gingrich, who has long come across as Crazy Guggenheim since he chose to shut down the government as House Speaker, tried to soften his scary decrees by describing himself as the "cheerful" new Newt. That avowed conversion lasted for no more than a brief moment before he tore into Romney as a basically dishonest person who is trying to buy his way to the nomination.
Finally, Libertarian Ron Paul went around was just being Libertarian Ron Paul.
I write this without knowing who will win in Ohio. But does it matter? Even conservative icon George Will now tells us it doesn't, which opened the hostilities on another front by minor philsopher Donald Trump. Damning Will's pessimism, Trump erupted in an interview with CNBC morning host Joe Kernan:
"I think George Will is a loser...He actually spoke for me at Mar-a-Lago a long time ago, I was very unimpressed..You take away his little round spectacles and his cute little greasy haircut, and I think he probaby realizes he's not a very smart guy."
We'll save a profound essay on Trumpish haircuts for another day.