Prepare for pure Republican theater on opening day.

THURSDAY WILL BE an historic day in Congress as Republicans rise on the House of Representatives floor to read aloud the entire U.S. Constitution. It's never been done before, but the current Republican brand is exceptionally sensitive to satisfying the Tea Party's concept of the nation's heritage. And why aren't we surprised? Given the convenient onset of the Oscar season, with possible honors for movies like True Grit and The Illusionist, the gang on Capitol Hill would be fools not to stage their own theatrical one-hour skit.

Good for the Republicans! It will be a grand self-serving gesture to the American experience and let's not hear any yucking from The Left, which has never learned to relate to red-blooded voters and placard-waving religionists. Liberals will try to convince you that their opposites' stunt will expose the hypocrisy of the clucks who have subverted a lot of what the Founding Fathers had in mind. And although Congress has never been shy about political grandstanding, these ideological blowfish will set a new level of retail patriotism that may never be exceeded.

Until now, we have suspected that many of the House members who complained that they were forced to act on a bill without reading it were fibbing because they were incapable of reading a declarative sentence. But this Constitutional moment of sober political oratory will prove me wrong.

Still, the arriving Republican political scientists will tighten the bonds between the right-wing and all those complaints by Tea Partiers that the document is being violated. So let it rip! But a modest word of caution: There are some matters in this document that won't sit well with their supporting cast; to wit, things that mention welfare, or say nobody headed for public office should have to submit to a religious test; or that the President should have the power to fill vacancies during a Senate recess; or - read it for yourself to see what the fuss is all about.

I would merely suggest that if they are going to read the thing in its entirety, somebody should also read the the Federalist Papers, with its views of Hamilton and Madison that finally carried the day after a long rich debate on both sides about the Constitution's merits. But first, the Republican reps must set out to repeal the health care reform law which, you surely know by now, is so unconstitutional even though it's never mentioned in you-know-where.