Anyway, Nancy handed me a list of things that might work, and I'm dutifully prudent enough in a family situation to forward some of them to you, to wit:
Restrict early shopping on the week end before Christmas.
MasterCard or Visa can only be used if the sun is shining on a shopping day.
Gift cards for restaurants will require photo ID's and cannot be used for the purchase of Mexican foods or stuffed grape leaves and other ethnic foods ordered by strange-looking people.
All mall stores must purge their lists of credit card holders.
Any shopper errors in signing for charges will invalidate sales and three lawyers and a police officer must appear with the buyer to advise him or her of their rights.
BestBuy credit cards can only be used on weekdays and never on Sundays unless the computer buyer is accompanied by a teenager.
Require all early shoppers to identify the president of Uzbekistan.
Finally, under penalty of self deportation, swear that you have never been convicted of shopper fraud, knocking down senior citizens in line or comparative shopping at Sam's Club.
Got that, Mr. Husted?