A report to my late friend Walter Mirapaul:
After all of these years, Walter, it might come as a pleasant surprise to you that I finally dumped my 19-year-old Taurus station wagon. Yep, as I write this, the old war horse may be on its way to Ford Heaven if the dealer can figure out how to get it started. ( I explained that if you turn the key to the first faint click, you can then shift into NEUTRAL from PARK, whereupon you can then turn on the motor and freely shift gears. The good man at the dealership seemed puzzled and asked me what that was all about. I said, "Damned if I know, it's been that way for a long time." All of that probably took his mind off the muffler, which hung no more than an inch or two off the road. Now I have to figure out all of the bells and whistles on the new car without your immediate advice.
You never did appreciate the usefulness of the old wagon and often ridiculed it to friends. Besides, unlike your insistence on trying to repair my VCR's and TV sets with a screwdriver and pliers, there wasn't anything that tempted you to stick your head under the wagon's hood. It's one reason I never mentioned the bizarre way that you could shift the gears to start up the motor.
On another subject, Newt Gingrich, the Crazy Guggenheim in the field, finally gave up and said he would endorse Mitt Romney, which leaves a big hole in the Republican cast of characters who were so much fun. Did I tell you that Romney's name was totally ignored by the speakers at the Tea Party Rally in Cuyahoga Falls?
Finally, I had to get a new garage door for the house. The old one was in awful shape. I know. You might have had an extra one or two in your garage. Didn't know that Rex's sold those things, too.