April, as T.S. Eliot once wrote, is the "cruellest month..." and nobody needs to remind President Obama of that sad tale. As everybody knows by now, he's the guy who lured those Secret Service agents into sexual encounters against their solemn will. And as Joe the Plumber, nee Samuel Wurzelbacher, the Man from McCain and Republican congressioanal nominee against Ohio Rep. Marcy Kaptur, now convincingly reports, the president's parents were Communists. Let Obama deny that one!
Finally, for April at least, it is now fairly certain through subsequent DNA tests that Obama ordered the Seals to waterboard Osama Bin Laden before forcing him to drink the Kool-Aid, a hilarious voodoo stunt he learned as a community organizer for the Muslim Mafia in Chicago's southside.
As if that isn't enough to convince you that we have a failed president, as Mitt Romney repeatedly assures us, there's the awful news about the thousands of dead fish in the waters of Cleveland Metroparks this week. And who was cleverly campaigning around the country on Air Force One when the mysterious fish-kill occurred? Right! Some of Obama's critics would remind you that Al Capone was never on the scene when the worst was taking place in Chicagoland under his remote control.
The great outpouring of these undeniable truths will guard the nation from doing anything foolish all the way to November. It is reassuring to know that Fox News, Rush Limbaugh and their countless operatives can continue to make a damn good living by shouting fire in an empty theater.