AS A DEDICATED chronicler of survival news for your civics classes, I am offering an updated memo on the current crop of patriots who want to lead our country. You will note that there is nothing of significance that escapes their vigilence and incisive reflection .
So let the wisdom flow:
Michele Bachmann: She warns that, according to a Tampa mother, her infant daughter suffered mental retardation after receiving HPV, the vaccine against cervical cancer.
Newt Gingrich: Child labor laws are stupid, and judges who hand down politically incorrect decisions should be arrested.
Ron Paul: A Libertarian, he would prefer to have all government eliminated. He also believes the Civil War was unnecessary because Lincoln could have avoided it by buying all of the slaves.
Mitt Romney: We mustn't be too specific here. Whatever he says today could be obsolete tomorrow.
Rick Perry: He supports gun control by advising gun owners to use both hands.
Rick Santorum: C0nsensual gay sex in the home is the same as bigamy, polygamy, incest and adultery. He explains: "That's not to pick on homosexuality. It's not you know, man on child, man on dog, or whatever the case may be. It is one thing."
Sarah Palin: She's critical of the White House's "odd" Christmas card that has a seasonal setting of poinsettia and the Obama's dog, Bo, who is is reclining in front a fireplace framed by garlands. She complained that the card lacks the traditional values of "family, faith and freedom." (Should she be reminded that President Reagan's 1984 card pictured a snowy White House driveway with a dog's footprints?) Jeez!
Donald Trump: We saved the best for last. Always the player, he says he would be a formidable third party candidate because of his popularity among blacks , Hispanics and labor
unions. (Not to mention his face in the mirror!)
Well, I tried.