Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Shouldn't we stop calling Akron names?

Throughout the long, hot summer of a search for a new name of Whatchmacallit U, little or nothing has been heard from the school's Board of Trustees - an abstract group, , really - that follows Justice Clarence Thomas' discreet path that silence is not only golden but also safer than a remote desert isle.

The board's missing public face has had a curious absence while  the - University of Akron...There!  I've dared resurrect the name! - is in the throes of historic woefully managed policy pains.

It's quite clear that the eight political appointees are not even minor risk-takers in their lofty perches  above the academics.   Skilled as they are in collegial meeting and greeting, they then manage to slip back into their real lives once the campus agenda is approved.

As for President Scott Scarborough, do you get the idea that he may have spent too much time studying the Peanuts strips in which Lucy devilishly pulls the football away from Charlie Brown?  I'm referring, of course, to the times that we learned of another fail-safe initiative to advance the school's prospects, only to learn later  that it had been rescinded, only-rumored, misrepresented  in the media or too nasty for words.

So it has been with Polytechnic, Ohio Tech, Institute or other appendages to Akron (or not) , a name now removed from the marching band uniforms.

In this town with compact loyalties, even the Akron Aeros changed its name to Akron Rubber Ducks and it caused  little public alarm because Akron was retained and it didn't change to, say,  something like the Rubber Ducks  Baseball Institute.

So to Team Scarborough and the trustees, I would humbly say:

C'mon, guys and gals,  Polytechnic - or so we have read, - suggests modern cutting edge insight into a Z-shape future.  You've had a year to figure all of this out. Why not have a naming contest and announce the winner at the Whatchamacallit Zips first winning football game?

That's mean.  I'll take it back.  I can rescind, too.

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