Wednesday, October 23, 2013

To Judge Hoover, Coughlin: How to fill the empty hours

Open letter to Judge Kim Hoover and Kevin Coughlin:

I read in my morning paper that you have been barred from Republican events by County Chairman Alex Arshinkoff.

I share your loss.  I was barred a couple  of years ago from  a party finance dinner as Alex beetled past me in the hotel corridor shouting "NO MEDIA. NO MEDIA!" - as only he can.

During those times  when you might have sat through the scripted party pageantry at these events,  you will need to find something else to fill in your empty moments.  Speaking from experience, I can tell you that a trip to the library can always turn up a fascinating book or two that would get you through at least two or three of those Republican events.

Or you could walk your dog, and if you don't already have one, head to the pound and pick one out.  Dogs do take your mind off a lot of distressing things, including the emptiness of not hearing the chairman's favorite ear shattering harangues at the Democrats.

Or you could be public-spirited and donate to a charity the cost of the tickets.

Try not to think about the loyal  payrollers who owe their jobs to the chairman and meekly  show up at these events simply because attendance is taken and names are etched into slate tablets.

Know that except for these invitation-only occasions, the party is in a moribund state, having lost many of the important offices it once held.  (Probate court, sheriff, prosecutor, etc. etc. etc.)

I know you wouldn't normally  take advice from a liberal like me, but there are times when the absence of misery does love company, namely we three outcasts.

Grumpy (who has a lot more time to read books now)

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