Meet the New Newt: the explosive front-runner

WELL. the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse rode onto the stage for their final reunion Thursday night before the South Carolina primary. There were signs of battle fatigue and short tempers that didn't even consider a moment of silence for their newly fallen shock troop, Rick Perry, who decided life would be much more accommodating deep in the heart of Texas.

Still, performing before their Palmetto gallery in Charleston (close by Ft. Sumter, for what it's worth) Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Ron Paul and Rick Santorum, seemed to agree on most things while making it appear that they didn't. Only Newt, my vision of Crazy Guggenheim, angrily exhumed an old enemy to enrapture the audience in the opening seconds: the media.

Of course, attacks on the mythical "liberal" media are nothing new. They are particularly effective when you have Gingrich's home-field advantage down south, where you can get away with posturing and pandering as the state's early celebrity pol, John C. Calhoun. Newt exploded with indignation at CNN moderator John King, accusing him and the network of despicable trash-talking by quoting Newt's ex-wife that he had asked for an open marriage. He steamed that the story was false. And the audience roared with approval. Great theater for the new South Carolina front-runner, according to the latest poll. But what can we really believe from a guy who wants to replace school janitors with kids and calls child labor laws "stupid."

As he has been doing, Romney found a way to respond to any question about Heaven, earth and the richest among us by insisting that all of the nation's problems can be traced to President Obama. He still didn't like the auto industry bailout, this on the day that the once-desperate General Motors boasted that it is now the leading carmaker. So if you get stuck in the snow this winter, spill your coffee on the carpet or step on your dog's tail, you know where the fault lies. Ready choir: Obama is the greatest impediment to progressive democracy.

You expect Obama's opponents to attack him as essential to the process. But for this gang of circuit riders, which relies on mythology by the minute, you have to wonder about the depth of their desperation. (Santorum: "Science is immoral".) I'll wait for the movie. It will be a riot. George Clooney as Mitt? Jack Nicholson as Newt?

Also... no...I can't go on. I just can't...