Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Jesus and the GOP candidates

IN THE LITTER of the New Hampshire tag team match, popularly described as the Republican candidates debate, the party's primary voters are still left with a game-changing decision: Who among those left standing is God's conservative of choice to sit in the Oval Office?

Rick Perry described himself as the "authentic" conservative in the crowd. His wife, Anita, bristling over attacks on her husband prompted by his avowed Christian identity (another pure believer victimized by heathens!) , said earlier that he is a candidate because God had urged him to run among the lions.

On the other hand, Perry dismissed Mitt Romney as a "conservative of convenience,'' which at some point will demand an official response from Mitt that God had also urged him to run. Whatever works!

Rick Santorum, a sworn Christian regularly on the God Network, has heard all of this before and is unconvinced of their sincerity. He has chosen to call himself the "conservative alternative."

Michele Bachman has used up much of her religious capital, which obviously has not worked to her benefit as she plummets in the polls. . And Sarah Palin,, who once said she was waiting to hear from God on what to do, is not running at all, and may we guess why?

To to keep you fully current, here is 999 Cain, himself an unyielding Bible-referencing conservative, setting the context of the heavenly argument in today's unruly world.

Jesus, he tells us, was the ''true conservatisve."

And why is that , Herm?

Let him explain how Jesus got into the current political argument: "He helped the poor without one government program. He healed the sick with a government health care system. He fed the hungry without food stamps. For three years, he was unemployed and never collected an unemployment check."

But historians also tell us that slavery was not uncommon in the Roman era.



Jack said...

Jesus puts his money in the Chase Manhatten bank.
Jesus puts his money in the Chase manhatten bank.
Jesus puts his money in the Chase Manhatten bank.
Jesus Saves
Jesus Saves
Jesus Saves.
Sung to the Battle Hymn of the Republic

JLM said...

My stomach hurts from laughing at the continuing stream of idiocy coming from these clowns. Then my stomach hurts from the nausea induced by the realization of how many people believe them.

David Hess said...

If I had to choose from among this reverential crew, I'd opt for Herman. With the Lord's blessing, he intimates, he could run the government single-handedly, cure cancer, feed the millions who go hungry, and wipe out unemployment. After all, he'd be the Second Coming.

Grumpy Abe said...

According to his fans, David, he's already arrived with loaves, fishes - and pizza.