Wednesday, July 21, 2010

John Boehner: an exercise in no-nos.

A TRIAL RUN for my forthcoming interview with Rep. John Boehner:

Q. Congressman, as a member of the 16th Estate, there are a few questions I would like to ask you.

A. Don't you mean twenty-first estate, one step behind the socialists...?

Q. Sorry, congressman. The Gallup poll says we're 16th. At any rate, I believe you are an Ohioan.

A. No!

Q. But...

A, No! I am an American.

Q. Oh. An Ohioan-American.

A. No! You can't hyphenate real Americans, you moron.

Q.But you have mentioned Mexican-Americans as well as Liberal-Americans, African-
Americans and California-Americans at times. Right?

A. No! You have me mistaken with Sarah Palin, you idiot..
Q. OK. On another matter, you have indicated many times that America was fine until President Obama screwed it up. Would you care to elaborate?

A. No!

Q. If I may. On a personal note, sir, do you ever smile?

A. No! Besides, that's none of your business, you leftwing lunatic.

Q. Not even a teensy grin?

A. No!

Q. Would you explain that?

A. No, you dimbulb!

Q. Sir, your party continues to accuse the Obama Administration of messing up the economy..Do you remember George Bush and Bob Taft?

A. No!

Q. But Governor Taft was one of your Republican neighbors from southwestern Ohio. Are you saying that Bush and Taft were mysterious Republican-Americans who presided over the decline of the economy without ever telling you?

A. No! You just did, you imbecile.

Q. May I have a few minutes for you to explain your memory loss?

A. No! Not to a typical hyphenated Liberal-American fool as well as a hyphenated pain-in-the-ass.

Q. Do you mean....?

A. Un-American!

Q. A final question, sir. Your party has been criticized as the Party of No. Is that a fair statement?

A. No! A thousand times no! Now scram before I call the police.

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