The lingering countdowns of Cleveland sports

IT'S ALWAYS SOMETHING with the dysfunctional Cleveland sports enterprises. Intrigue... Suspense...Recurring seasonal disorders. The latest version of the epic Cleveland Countdown began last year (or maybe even earlier before I got on the bus) over when-where-never LeBron James would jump ship despite his iconic moorings in Northeast Ohio. Months of columns, talk-show callers, sly smiles by the self-described King. Like that, it played out and the disheartened fans could finally turn to new matters, such as...

Would Holmgren fire Mangini? When? And if not, why? On and on. Which game would determine the unfortunate coach's fate? This countdown would deflect the ugly fact that the Browns were finishing the season with a four-game losing streak. But then, Mangini was gone before the uniforms from the final game were laundered...The light at the end of the stadium tunnel? Not really, because....

There was a new reason for daily speculation.

The Mangini narrative would merely be the prologue to another countdown in which everybody but Knute Rockne was mentioned in a non-stop shakeout of his possible successor while days passed and passed and passed. .

Sadly, that's how it has been going on the lake where revolving doors have long been a growth industry in the hopeless search for a winner. You are again reminded of that as TV had the audacity to show us the entire annihilation of the Cavaliers by the Lakers by a record 55 points even though L.A. coach Phil Jackson tried to be merciful by playing his regulars for less than half of the game.

May we hope that a new Browns coach will be hired before the start of the Indians baseball season with its own dismal expectations. Will Manny Ramirez be mentioned as the new manager after Manny Acta is dumped? Let the speculation begin! And don't laugh.

Inaugural pageantry: The easy part is over

BY ALL ACCOUNTS, there was excitement all around yesterday as Gov. Kasich called upon Ohioans to join him as full partners in improving the health of the Buckeye State. The Plain Dealer, which endorsed his candidacy, was so taken by his words that the big headline on Page One described him as "humble". That, of itself, was newsy for a pol who is known for his snappish demeanor.

But one robin, as it has been said, does not make a spring. And his call for audience participation will have to await results, which won't come as easily for the "new" Kasich and his cupbearers. The first hours of his administration produced some other reports that may not fall neatly into the category of team spirit.

There is word now, which is not at all surprising, that Lt. Gov. Mary Taylor has already convinced her people that she will run for the U.S. Senate against Sen . Sherrod Brown in 2012. Will run? Make that is running. The formality of the November election has ended. Time to think about one's future. As some of her predecessors in the lieutenant governor's office demonstrated, that job is hardly the place to extend one's political career.

And then there was the published report that Kasich's new inspector general, Randy Meyer, is slashing the IG staff in half. But as the Columbus Dispatch reported, these are veteran investigators who are expected to look out for "wrongdoing in the executive branch of state government". But apparently they won't be needed by a governor who describes himself as a "servant of the Lord."

Meantime, over in the new attorney general's office, Mike DeWine proved that he is a man of his word and action by joining a suit to repeal the health care reform law. It is

is likely to be a wheel-spinning mission but now that DeWine has committed himself to the plunge, he can't back off. Some of the spirit of his commitment is based on the theory that the law is unconsitutional, an unkind position that has been denied by two federal courts and upheld by one.

Keep in mind, too, that DeWine is a fervid pro-life advocate and although federal financing of abortion has been discounted by those who would rather deal with the specifics of the law than by religious assumptions, DeWine and AGs in 20 state will plow on with great cost to the states.

Closer to home, add this to your list of upcoming political events: There is a buzz that Alex Arshinkoff is waiting for the moment that he will be reseated on the Summit County Board of Elections by Secretary of State Jon Husted to enable the county Republican boss to fill out his state retirement insurance coverage. Isn't that the same John Husted who received a $150,000 campaign contribution from Arshinkoff's ailing party treasury last year ?

Yep.

Talk radio: And now for their "prevent defense"

THERE IS NOTHING that more clearly defines the right-wing talk showmen than their outrage when their heated words are called to task. A recap of some of their comments by the New York Times reported that they even slammed the Pima County sheriff (see previous post) for "embarrassing" Arizona and "denigrating" talk show hosts. Oh?

Contrary to the hopes of their rational critics, such concern will be asking too much to tone down the rhetoric because, after all, that's what sustains the talkers, and keeps the cash flow healthy. What we will now see is more of their "prevent defense," which pro football coaches find so reliable when, in fact, it is not fail-safe. Rather than giving tiresome examples of the talk showmen's vituperative claims, which rather lamely blame an evil Democratic conspiracy, I'll leave it to you to decide on the merits of the showmen's high priest's remarkable response.

Thus spake Rush Limbaugh in his customary eruptive annoyance:

"It is our right and our duty to criticize the people who have put the fate of our country in peril."

We're disappointed. It seems to us that a man of his profound insights into Planet Politics should be reminded that his proverbs can rightfully work both ways.

Arizona shootings: A somber footnote

MY KNEE-JERK reaction upon hearing of the horrendous event in Tucson was that I hoped the shooter wasn't an illegal immigrant or an African-American. In the culture that destroys human minds, it's easy to think that way to avoid almost certain further violence in rhetoric - or worse. Fortunately the color of the young man's skin matched that of Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin, the latter of whom once posted U.S. Rep. Gabrielle Giffords' congressional district in crosshairs on her Facebook. Palin's aides now say the crosshairs were "surveyor's symbols" and not targets even though she urged her readers to "reload."

Compare that to the poignant response of Arizona's Pima County Sheriff, Clarence

Dupnik, as he reacted in stunned sadness in the wake of the massacre. You've probably read it or watched it on TV, but some of it is worth repeating:

"When you look at the unbalanced people, how they respond to the vitriol that comes out of certain mouths about tearing down the government. The anger, the hatred, the bigotry that goes on in this country is getting to be outrageous. And unfortunately, Arizona I think has become sort of the capital. We have become the Mecca for prejudice and bigotry."

This was the week that still is

THE WEEK has been anything but dull, what with the changing of the guard in the House of Representatives and a new crop of freshman peacocks saying how they intend to end Barack Obama's career in 2012. Although their optimism may be premature as polls show public support for Obama growing (13 pts. higher than Reagan's at mid-term) you can't blame the Republicans for wanting to stake out a claim on the White House before the public catches on to their odd ways.

For awhile the GOP narrative will be dominated by condemning job-killing ObamaCare, as some of the New Age philosophers warn us. There will be a lot of talk of death panels and apocalyptic your-grandmother- will-die-sooner end-of-days stuff, the sort of thing that is inspired by having millions more people covered by health insurance. Rep. Steve King, the rural Iowa Republican, even added the insightful thought that ObamaCare, in addition to being unconstitutional, also leads to dead infants turning up in trash cans. A word of caution: You can email King's office that he is one of the more prominent morons on Capitol Hill, but it will only support his contention that evil is rampant in the land.

The part I really enjoyed this week of pageantry was the reading of a laundered Constitution on the House floor that expurgated language reminding folks that it was hardly a perfect document when it came to assessing the value of blacks. The drama rose quickly, however, as a section was being read on the requirement that a person must be native- born to be eligible for the presidency.

That lit a fuse. A woman birther in the gallery shouted "Except Obama, except Obama! Help us, Jesus." Until that happens she may may have to first check with her lawyer, having been escorted from the gallery by police.

A couple of Republican congressmen, one being Pete Sessions of Texas, attended a fund-raiser instead of being sworn in. His cavalier attitude toward the Constitution caused a stir in the House, but was finally resolved somehow, as Sessions, one of the GOP's leading fund raisers, knew it would be.

All in all, the faithfully pledged public- spirited unveiling of the new congress recalled something that Al Capone once said, when his integrity was questioned: "Public service is my motto."

An Akron law firm - and an Inaugural whodunnit

THE PUBLISHED report (Plain Dealer) that the Akron law firm of Roetzel and Andress has been raising money for the Kasich Inaugural extravaganza will be met with more than cursory interest around this town. Isn't that the same R&A that has been the source of so much disdain by county Republican chairman Alex Arshinkoff, who long ago set out to scandalize the firm as a back-room Democratic operation with no redeeming virtue? You bet it's the same one.

To add to the chairman's fallout from the disclosure, one of the R&A lawyers who was said to be involved in the affair, former Ohio auditor Jim Petro, was also Alex's bete noire of choice when Petro tried to run for governor in 2006. At the time, Arshinkoff said that if Petro, a Republican, won the nomination, the chairman would support the Democratic candidate instead. Petro didn't win and the Republicans ended up with Ken Blackwell as their sorry candidate.

As is customarily the case. none of the usual suspects accepted responsibility for the donor appeal appearing on the law firm's website. (It vanished from the site after the PD started tracking it down.) But the paper did note that the liaison between the Inaugural committee and R&S was Matt Borges, an ubiquitous chap who was once convicted of a misdemeanor and fined (later expunged) after pleading guilty to some mischief in dealing with donors as the chief of staff of former state treasure Joe Deters, the alleged play-to-pay guy.

Yep, these things can become convoluted in politics, which are forever ringed with these characters. . But we esxpecially liked State GOP Party Chairman Kevin DeWine. who praised Borges. "No one did more to help all of our state, local and federal candidates this year"

That didn't go without saying, so DeWine said it.

.

News flash: King John retreats from the ants

UPDATE: Responding to criticism from the media and others, John Kasich today reversed his earlier decree and will be sworn in as governor at the Statehouse instead of his home in Delaware County. (See below) The ants win! The ants win!

King John, and not the historically famous one

EVIDENCE IS growing that Ohio has elected its first King John. No, not the historical King John who gave his land the Magna Carta. Not even close. The Buckeye version is - How can I be kind about this? - King John as in Kasich, a churlish fellow with strong autocratic tendencies who promises to lead our stricken state past the anthills to the pyramids, as he has described his burden when he is crowned.

Our latest clue is that he has barred reporters from covering his big moment of being sworn-in as Ohio's chief executive a minute past the bewitching hour of midnight Monday in his safe haven residence on his 10-acre preserve in Delaware County. Kasich says he's only looking after his children's security. But that could have been easily resolved by having the ceremonial occasion held somewhere other than his private home where he has decided to construct the state's pyramids from now on. Although he's vigorously promised to cut the costs of government, his rejection of the Governor's Mansion as his live-in hearth in Bexley will require extra costs for Ohio Highway Patrol security. That's not such a big deal when you're facing a deficit of billions in the next biennium, but sometimes even symbols have meaning.

Here, after all, is a fellow arguing transparency on one hand in what his flacks have labeled a "New Day," wherever that might rank as a political cliche that is soon forgotten. As the Plain Dealer noted, the media will be restricted from some other Inaugural events, including a ban on the media talking to any of the guests at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame event. The paper noted that nosy reporters will be allowed to hear the speeches by King John and Lt. Gov. Mary Taylor and then be escorted from the hall before the real party begins.

Earlier in his King-elect period, our sovereign crabbed that reporters ask too many questions about his appointees that hinder recruiting good people for the jobs - and he won't have it! These are the anthills that he must conquer to get to those pyramids. And who builds those tiny powdery anthills? Ants, of course. Nice try, your majesty. But we're too small to bear scepters.

Prepare for pure Republican theater on opening day.

THURSDAY WILL BE an historic day in Congress as Republicans rise on the House of Representatives floor to read aloud the entire U.S. Constitution. It's never been done before, but the current Republican brand is exceptionally sensitive to satisfying the Tea Party's concept of the nation's heritage. And why aren't we surprised? Given the convenient onset of the Oscar season, with possible honors for movies like True Grit and The Illusionist, the gang on Capitol Hill would be fools not to stage their own theatrical one-hour skit.

Good for the Republicans! It will be a grand self-serving gesture to the American experience and let's not hear any yucking from The Left, which has never learned to relate to red-blooded voters and placard-waving religionists. Liberals will try to convince you that their opposites' stunt will expose the hypocrisy of the clucks who have subverted a lot of what the Founding Fathers had in mind. And although Congress has never been shy about political grandstanding, these ideological blowfish will set a new level of retail patriotism that may never be exceeded.

Until now, we have suspected that many of the House members who complained that they were forced to act on a bill without reading it were fibbing because they were incapable of reading a declarative sentence. But this Constitutional moment of sober political oratory will prove me wrong.

Still, the arriving Republican political scientists will tighten the bonds between the right-wing and all those complaints by Tea Partiers that the document is being violated. So let it rip! But a modest word of caution: There are some matters in this document that won't sit well with their supporting cast; to wit, things that mention welfare, or say nobody headed for public office should have to submit to a religious test; or that the President should have the power to fill vacancies during a Senate recess; or - read it for yourself to see what the fuss is all about.

I would merely suggest that if they are going to read the thing in its entirety, somebody should also read the the Federalist Papers, with its views of Hamilton and Madison that finally carried the day after a long rich debate on both sides about the Constitution's merits. But first, the Republican reps must set out to repeal the health care reform law which, you surely know by now, is so unconstitutional even though it's never mentioned in you-know-where.

2011: What you might expect

What's Ahead in 2011:

January: John Kasich is sworn-in as Ohio governor and immediately appoints Alex Arshinkoff as his liaison to Akron Mayor Don Plusquellic....Sarah Palin announces plan to scale Mt. Everest to get a better view of her porch in Wasilla.... A record heat-wave roasts the East Coast. The Rev. Pat Robertson says it is God's punishment for postponing the snowbound game between the Minnessota Vikings and Philadelphia Eagles.

February: Temperatures soar to more than 100 degrees in Boston and Manhattan. Anti-climate change columnist George Will convinces Cokie Roberts that it is the result of a "Manichaean world view nurtured by post-Madisonian statism and regressive polity"...Carly Fiorina says she is prepared to explain her "Demon sheep" ad in the recent election. Nobody cares.

March: Iowa housing market booms as 14 potential Republican presidential candidates buy homes in Des Moines to demonstrate their commitment to real people....Rejected by Mayor Plusquellic, Arshinkoff is appointed liaison to a 10-year study to determine the merits of a high-speed rail system....John Boehner and Glenn Beck agree to compete in a charitable sobbing contest for Guinness Book of Records. Like Niobe, the loser would be turned into a rock.

April: Long Island paralyzed by 123 degree heat. Michelle Bachmann blames the lack of air conditioners on President Obama who "wants to get even with upscale Republican ghettos in Scarsdale and White Plains"....Ejected as Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele says he will organize a third-party movement to teach a lesson to "all of those smart-ass white guys in the party."...Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer swears that three beheaded Martians were found in the desert.

May: Newt Gingrich officially enters the presidential race, followed quickly by Palin, Jim DeMint and Christine O'Donnell....Rupert Murdock gives another million to the U.S. Chamber of Commerce, who launders it through six Swiss banks before it reaches an exploratory group supporting Sean Hannity....A GOP commission planning the party's 2012 platform inserts a plank declaring that Obama was born in the Machu Picchu area before he was smuggled to the Serengeti to grow up among monkeys.

June: Kasich announces the elimination of all taxes on Ohio State football merchandise and anybody who works for the Summit County Republican Party. "It's a start," he says, "in eliminating the state income tax"....Ohio's unemployment reaches 14 pct. as investors hold back while still awaiting the governor's plan to increase jobs.

July: Sea level in the Great Lakes rises 6 inches as melting glaciers head south across Canada. Rush Limbaugh describes the phenomenon as an "optical illusion" by wishful liberals and Polar-Nazis drowning in their own tears...Sarah Palin challenges black belt specialist Vladimir Putin to a wrestling match on Umiak Island. The State Department nixes the idea, explaining that ordinary Americans cannot engage in deals with foreign leaders. Palin says she is offended to be refudiated as an ordinary American.

August: Ohio Tea Partiers join with Kasich in an effort to defeat Mayor Plusquellic in November, saying they are pleased that the governor has agreed to eliminate all taxes in the state and sell off all state property, including the Statehouse, on eBay to private developers.....Palin announces that she has scheduled a world tour with the Dalai Lama to show that she is not prejudiced against foreigners with funny names....Polar bears are spotted along the Ohio Turnpike.

September: The year-long heat wave has raised the water temperature to 102 degrees along east coast, washing out the tourism business at Myrtle Beach. Wall Street says it will forgo bonuses to help pay for the water damage from rising sea water.... Alex Arshinkoff, recently appointed to an expanded Ohio Supreme Court, is also named by Kasich as a dollar-a-year goodwill ambassador to televangelist Rod Parsley....Latest Ohio unemployment figures show a 4 pct. rise in out-of-work faculty on state university campuses.

October: Sarah Palin schedules a book signing of her latest effort in the crater of Mount St. Helens. She tells her fans that she hopes to set a Guinness record for bungee jumps while reading the Constitution....Fourteen more Republicans announce their candidacies for president, increasing the total to 31. Obama says nothing, but an aide said he was was seen grinning while playing basketball in the gym.

November: Don Plusquellic is reelected, overwhelming his Republican name-game opponent, Erskine McKasich Taylor... Heat wave subsides to 100 degree levels. Anti-climate warmers declare victory over Fascist tree huggers and heat-mongering Muslims ..... Kasich eliminates Ohio department of Interior and sells Department of Education to private charter-school enthusiasts....Palin releases a documentary showing her parachuting into Mt. Vesuvius.

December: Melting igloos inundate Alaska. Still in a sulk, Sen. McCain votes down earmark for an ark for his old running mate's state....Failing to increase jobs in Ohio, a bored Kasich resigns to accept a lucrative talk show on Fox News.....Arshinkoff moves from Hudson to Cuyahoga Falls to spend more time with his family at City Hall, which is moved to the site of the planned upscale grocery store on Portage Trail to avoid the flooding Cuyahoga River....And before you know it, it is 2012 and nothing really has changed!