After several days of riotous politicking before Tuesday's critical (it says here) polling and primaries, here's the diary for those who wisely were glued to Sesame Street instead:
Donald Trump blamed Bernie Sanders for attracting ISIS rowdies and called John Kasich a "baby". Marco Rubio blamed President Obama for the Bay of Pigs and Cleveland Browns. Ted Cruz blamed Hillary for not acting like a God-fearing woman. Kasich, reaching for the heavens more often these days, blamed Hillary for "gall". Sanders and Clinton blamed Trump for everything else.
And then it got worse.
Kasich claimed he balanced the budgets in Latvia and Uganda. He upgraded his father's job from mailman to postmaster general for the entire European Community. He told George Stephanopoulos that he would support Trump if the blowhard were the Republican nominee but would not "wallow in the mud" with him. To emphasize his point, he rejected an invitation to inspect polluted Lake Erie beaches.
(It was another pet example of Kasich's 3D responses to questions that make him uncomfortable - deflecting, dithering and departing.)
Closer to home, Secretary of State Jon Husted announced new voting rules to eliminate fraud at the polls: Only voters with blue eyes would be given ballots. Before adjourning for Labor Day vacations in January, the hoofbeating legislature enacted a law that would provide Statehouse hitching posts for their horses.
The University of Akron Board of Trustees, meeting at Camp David to avoid protesters, called for a recount of the Faculty Senate's 50-2 no confidence resolution against President Scott Scarborough. Finally, students who were spotted booing Scarborough at UA basketball games were warned that all future sports events would be privatized.