Remember when Twinkies were simply Twinkies?

We can all sleep well tonight despite our 15-cent monthly bank interest  on savings.  I'm here to report  an exploding entrepreneurial spirit in America that would certainly merit the highest respect  even from folks who have car elevators attached  to their homes.    It is churning up a tidal wave of speculators who cleared the  food market shelves of Archie Bunker's favorite sweet sponge  just as its maker cast its fatal shadow:  Twinkies! for God's sake.

I do not exaggerate  the wild investment phenomenon by the profit-conscious who are ignoring  Wall Street to head for the other Big Board -  eBay.  At last count, there were more than 2,400  Twinkies offerings ranging from under $10 to $200,000 (shipping included).    A bid of $7.55 was drawing a lively response for a goody called a Hostess Twinkie Coffin, "a great gift for a mourning Twinkie lover!"  And $40 would win   "Newly listed Hostess Twinkie 2 boxes."

Twinkies lovers will tell you that the treats never spoil. But one dealer turned up a collectible rotten one and it passed $24 - as is - which may be the out-of-the-box steal of this systemic madness.

 Before bidding, you may want to consult your Twinkies broker to determine whether the boom has peaked or whether there will be even more cream for you dough.