When pandering, politics becomes a religion

We thought Mitt Romney might take a little time off from his pandering  to the faithful after his dash through Israel to convince Jews that he's really one of their guys.  But now he has found a new quarry -  Catholics - in his latest campaign TV ad featuring the words and picture of the late Pope John Paul II counseling former Polish President Lech Walesa to "be not afraid".

In case you aren't up on modern Polish history Walesa was a shipyard labor organizer who faced up to the Soviet Union with a  trade union force  called Solidarity. It  won him a Nobel Prize.

Trouble is,  Romney has shown little  use  for American unions and even endorsed Senate Bill 5 in Ohio, which would have restricted  unions.  But somebody must have informed him that a lot of Poles live in the Buckeye State  and could come in handy on Election Day.

It's uncertain where Romney will turn next in compartmentalizing various faiths.  He's got a lock on the Mormons.  There remain Zoroastrians, Buddhists,  Baha'is, and maybe some storefront cults,  to name a few untapped resources.

Not to question a candidate's reach for friendly believers, but it might be fairly asked why Mitt, a most secretive and skittish sort,  has ignored Pope John Paul's advice to the Polish union leader to "be not afraid".

(P.S.My column on the confusion that has overtaken northern Ohio redistricted voters has been posted on Plunderbund.com) 

Word game of guilt by association.

Although word association tests are not within my comfort zone, they might be just what the political doctor ordered for Grumpy Abe on a balmy August afternoon.  So here is my effort of pregnant associations , which could be augmented if you are one to enjoy word games (my life story!):

Mitt Romney:  Stuff, a neutral non-commital word which is what he said he bought at a hardware store.  (It is also a word that  a friend once complained of having "too much of" in his house).

Newt Gingrich: Food stamps, which Newt accused President Obama of being the biggest provider ever.

Josh Mandel:  Money. No need to elaborate.

Rush Limbaugh: Slut, as in...

The Rev. Pat Robertson:  Godless, describing everyone who isn't on his page.

Sheldon Adelson: Israel, one of the few areas where he and Robertson agree.

Rupert Murdoch: Power, as in "fair and balanced is not what you think"

Gov. Kasich:  Idiot, his  reference to a cop that arrested him for a traffic violation.

Koch Brothers:  Uber wealth,  like Doublemint gum,  Romney's  right-wing "double your treasure" guys.

Sarah Palin:  Front porch, which is where her esoteric worldly vision begins.

Josh Mandel: Money.  Oops.  Already said that.  Still, worth repeating, don't you think?

'

Priebus heading for Comedy Central?

When Reince Priebus, the nutsy Republican National chairman referred to Democratic Senate Majority leader Harry Reid as a "dirty liar",  it sent us back to the days of the silver screen when a lot of  of folks  were being scripted to use a negative adjective to describe  a negative noun.

For instance, there were tough guy Jimmy Cagney  hissing that somebody was a "dirty rat" and hoodlums  referring to other unpleasant people as "dirty doublecrossers".  Like that.  It simply wasn't enough to be a rat or a doubecrosser. Nor a liar.  You had to be dirty, too.

But because Priebus is unforgivably  stupid, he tried to explain to George Stephanopoulos that he "wouldn't go down that road" of talking about Reid because he didn't want to "respond to a dirty liar".  How good of this man , who has said  before that he doesn't want to engage in name-calling. A puzzled
Stephanopoulos failed to get Priebus to clarify this contradiction.

This is hardly the first time that the RNC boss has demonstrated exuberant nonsense.  A few days ago, he accused President Obama of purposely reviving Rev. Wright as a campaign piece  to distract voters from Obama's other failures.  Or he likened a "war on caterpillars'' to critics accusing  Republicans of a "war on women".

And he defended Rep. Allen West, the noisy right-winger  from Florida who accused Obama of wanting folks to be slaves so they could be dependent on government.  Oh, and West's turn   to McCarthyism to declare there were 80  communists in Congress.

"Allen West," Priebus asserted, "is an important member of Congress from South Florida.  I'm not going to throw Allen West in a ditch".

He won't have to.  West is already there. But we don't know where Reince is these days.  Republicans, you have a problem.

Proud Buckeyes, Kasich is Plain Dealer's "rising star"

In our ceaseless effort to bring you all of the significant news that will enable you to cope with Planet Politics, we will direct you to today's Plain Dealer. It is there that our governor Kasich was described as a "rising star" in the Republican scheme of things.  Rising star?  Yep.  You can't make this up.

The Kasich-friendly  paper was all aglow because as the big headline on its Metro page boomed:

Kasich to be  featured speaker at the Republican convention

As one who left the hall to find some trivial news at too many conventions to avoid the drone of puffed-up featured speakers, let me tell you that unless you are the nominee, your chances of being heard on the floor diminish  according to  name, rank and the hour on the East Coast.

Of course, if Kasich looks at the California delegation and calls them "wackadoodles,"  a reference in his State of the State speech,  it could get interesting. Even more so if he mentions his support of the anti-union Senate Bill 5, now deceased.

Is he really Izod Windsock for president?

I've concluded that Willard Mitt Romney  is not the candidate's real name.  He was born Izod Windsock on Rarotonga  in the Cook Islands and showed such brilliance as an infant  that his  parents decided he would someday run for president as Willard Mitt Romney, a serviceable Anglo-
Saxon name inspired by Washington's plush Willard Hotel that Nathanial Hawthorne  referred to as the "center of Washington".  Lincoln liked the place, too,  which couldn't hurt.

It's  also true that Izod Windsock is such an absurd name that it might confuse those who couldn't remember whether Izod was his given name or surname in the heat of a nominating convention when some of the delegates had yet to sober up from the night before.  And it would be nothing less than a blistering talking point for Rush Limbaugh (nee Limbot) who reminded his listeners that Izod was not only a trade name but also the 19th Century  leader of an African terrorist group.

Some historians  today suggest that as Willard  was growing into puberty, he became very protective  of his words against playground bullies who taunted him for repeatedly reversing his place on a seesaw.  But it wasn't  until he ran for class president that  his opponents began questioning the birth certificate provided by his parents , particularly after Donald Trump Sr. had insisted that his probers  had discovered that Mitt's parents were actually named Wendy and  Winston Windsock (of the Rarotonga Windsocks) according to the old Rarotonga media files.

By now I know what you are thinking, that all of the above  is very silly.  I  couldn't agree more.  But you must remember that I am referring to Izod Windsock, the Republican candidate for president.  As candidates go, you can't get much sillier than that, can you?

There's an upside to seeing double in Falls

I know.  We offered this photo yesterday of Cuyahoga Falls Mayor Don Robart in a celebratory mood  and wondered (wrongly)  whether he was rejoicing over a half-million Federal grant to hire more firemen.

But today, the Beacon Journal is reporting that the Falls has received a new $1.135 million  grant from the Federal Highway Administration that opens the vault for a  a long-delayed State Road project.

As you know, the Tea Party embracing Republican mayor ("the fiscal and moral conscience of America,"'  he once greeted them) has not  had anything good to say about Federal spending and budget deficits and all, and here his town is with all that money arriving from Uncle Sam.

I know, again.  It will be argued that the project has been delayed for six years so the Falls has waited long enough to take a bite out of the Federal treasury.

Still, I wouldn't be surprised that the mayor is in Romney's quiet room (where Mitt believes only politically sensitive things  should be considered)  and happily humming the old Bill Monroe Bluegrass favorite, "Roll on,  Buddy....Roll on."  

Robart's photo: No, not what I first thought!

I hope you happened to see this photo in today's Beacon Journal capturing a triumphal Mayor Don Robart of Cuyahoga Falls with upraised arms  like a quarterback celebrating a a game-winning touchdown pass.

What, Dear Reader, could that be all about as he looked own  on his witnesses from a scissors hoist (crane?)?


Had this conservative Republican critic of Federal spending just received another half-million-dollar check from Uncle Sam to hire more firemen?


Was he announcing a new contract with Chick-fil-A to move its headquarters to Portage Crossing?

Had he been named the Mayor of the Year by the Tea Party for his rousing welcome to their members earlier this year  at the Riverfront Centre Mall?

Had he won a bet and tossed his buddy Summit County Republican Chairman Alex Arshinkoff into the Natatorium pool as a fund-raiser for his next campaign?


Or was the mayor thinking about his success in blocking a Natatorium  family rate for a wounded Iraqi veteran in a same-sex marriage?

Or had he just heard assurances from Mitt Romney that mayors are people, too,  even if the GOP candidate had once insisted that we don't need  more firemen.

Alas, none of that.  The mayor was lighting  the Municipal Flame heralding the opening of the Falls' Bicentennial Celebration.

For  progress at City Hall,  where the mayor has been known as a quasi-Olympian himself for his marathon  jogging,  the human side will have to wait.

Whatever turns a killer on...

Columbia Journalism Review, one of  the few remaining guardians of lucid journalism, offers this headline from the The Messenger, of Athens, Oh:

Police:  Dismembered woman lived with killer

Yes, bipartisanship created the Cuyahoga Valley National Park

REP. STEVE LATOURETTE'S decision to not seek reelection was a reminder of an earlier day  when non-partisan cooperation created one of Northern  Ohio's prized public amenities - now called the Cuyahoga Valley National Park.  It's a stretch of pristine beauty reaching border to border from Akron to Cleveland that is drawing more than 3 million visitors each year.

LaTourette indicated he was fed up with the stalemate in Congress,  much of it generated by the arrival of the Tea Party hordes that descended on Capitol Hill from the  2010 elections.But there was a time when good things could come our way from a collegial attempt to serve the public good.  So it was in December 1974 when the federal parkland was set aside by Congress and signed into law by President Ford.

Even then, it was a close call - but it did end on a positive note.(Yes, it can happen!)   The three Northern Ohio congressmen who sought the protected acreage were John Seiberling of Akron, a liberal Democrat, and Ralph Regula, a centrist Republican from Navarre in Stark County.  They got a helping hand from another Democratic representative, Charles Vanik of Cleveland.

But as it began to appear that resistance was growing in Congress that would allow the law to die without Ford's signature, 11th hour calls were exchanged among the congressmen, Sens. Robert A. Taft (R)  and Howard Metzenbaum (D that led to a clinching call from Akron's Ray Bliss , the former Republican chairman,  to Ford, who was vacationing in Vail, Col., over the Christmas holiday.  "Get it done," Bliss told the president, or you'll lose the election in 1976. Pure political pragmatism. the sort of influence that made Bliss a towering figure in his party with a lot of folks except Nixon.

It was a textbook example of how government can work for the common good.  Unfortunately, LaTourette doesn't think it is working now.  And we can understand why.

(For my dissection of the resulting political scramble  from LaTourette's impending departure, you might read my overview column in Plunderbund.com.)

At least one positive side to Romney's gaffes?

Growing up in the newspaper business I was occasionally reminded by some older pros that it was bad manners - ungentlemanly, really - to  criticize other members of the press.  Newspapers generally are not comfortable about negative references to their line of work, particularly self-reported negative references to their line of work

So I will qualify today's Grumpy Abe's wisdom by saying it is not intended to be criticism but rather  entry level reporting about views expressed by another columnist.

FACT:  Such conservative stalwarts as Karl Rove and  Charles Krauthammer were stunned by Road Scholar Mitt Romney's widely reported gaffes on his overseas trip.  Rove said Mitt blew it; Krauthammer found the Republican candidate's verbal behavior  "incomprehensible," "unbelievable" and "beyond human comprehension."

But in fairness, I should also tell you that at least one editorial board conservative columnist at the Plain Dealer lauded Romney and blamed  his image problems on the always suspect national media.

So here, without further comment, is the conclusion of Kevin O'Brien, while admitting that one of my bad habits, culturally speaking,  is to occasionally read from the bottom up:

"The national media can't get over Obama, so they'll never be your friends.

"Final scorecard:  "You [Romney] visited allies we've badly neglected these last three years, said things that made sense and offended people who don't like you, anyway.

"Good road trip."

Take that, libs  Krauthammer and Rove!