For Christie , the cavalry is arriving...

Have you been following the anxiety attacks of  some Republicans who want to spin the bridge crises away from Gov. Christie's shadow?  Benghazi and Obama have fallen from the lips of the president's enemies. So have reprises of the IRS story. Anything to distract from the Fort Lee quake.

Some samples:

 Haley Barbour, the former GOP national chairman,  blamed Christie's woes on the "liberal media elite who continue to treat this like Lincoln's assassination."  (Shocking that right-wing Republicans from Mississippi even mention Lincoln these days.)

Reince Priebus, the current GOP chairman who is always good for a laugh, described Christie as a "smart person" and unlikely to know anything about his staff's involvement.  Not a "single link to Chris Christie  has been found," Reince protested.

But the runaway winner of the Grumpy Abe Linguistic Lunacy Award (GALL)  goes to Fox News panelist Brit Hume, who framed Christie's troubles as the consequence of a gender bias that denigrates macho men:

"I would have to say that in this sort of feminized   atmosphere in which we exist today, guys who are masculine and muscular like that in their private conduct, kind of old fashion tough guys run some risk...This guy is very much an old fashioned masculine, muscular guy  and there are political risks associated with that.  Maybe it shouldn't be, but that's how it is."

Maybe?

The latest GOP voter spin: From Photo ID to Photo 3D?

With a court test under way to determine whether Pennsylvania's restrictive new voter ID law violates civil liberties, there's word that   Republican National Chairman Reince Priebus, has proposed a remedy to settle things down on the electoral front.  Priebus, which sort of rhymes with genius, is said to be calling for a Photo 3D law that profiles every voter in much greater depth and in color.  Priebus argues that voter fraud has reached such extraordinary numbers that the only way to sustain our  democracy is to examine every facet of the voter's face as closely as possible.   "The stakes are too high to maintain   the system with the haphazard process we now have that gives Democrats  such an unfair  advantage at the polls," Priebus reportedly said.   (He supposedly expressed fear to an RNC associate that the faces of blacks and Latinos can be photo-shopped into albinos to beat the system.)

Jim Allen: the ex-county chairman won't be playing in Farmersville anymore

Just when you wanted to believe that with the Rush Limbaughs, Glenn Becks and Michele Bachmanns still on the loose  in full voice, nobody could top them with dumber-than-dumb political trash talk.  Well, someone just did, and so much for the career of an Illinois  Republican county chairman named Jim Allen of the unheralded village of Farmersville, Ill. (pop. 723) in downstate Montgomery County. (If you've just pulled out your Rand McNally road atlas,  Farmersville isn't that far from Divernon, Ill.)

Allen, beset by troubled reaction from GOP higher-ups, including National Chairman Reince Priebus, resigned in the wake of his comments that Erika Harold (shown here), a former Miss America running for congress in the Republican primary,  was a "street walker"  supported by her "pimps" among Democrats and moderate Republicans.

Limbaugh settled for "slut" in recklessly ill-defining Sandra Fluke's off-hours behavior.

But when guys like Priebus are so openly annoyed by  one of the party's official enablers that he called Allen's behavior "inexcusable'" and "not to be tolerated, you know that the ex-county chairman exceeded what's left of the levels of decency for the party's alleged brand. Allen recanted with an apology, but you know how those things go these days.

But Allen did earn a  citation from Grumpy Abe otherwise known as the Grumpy Abe Linguistic Lunacy (GALL) Award. Somehow,  I still don't feel it fits the slanderous crime by this party operative.

Oh, Allen also accused Harold of being a notorious "RINO" - a Republican in Name Only.  But as they genuflect  to a Tea Party culture,  isn't it a bit of a stretch to refer to any of them as a Republican?

Get ready for the invasion of Republican circuit riders

A million years ago, maybe a little longer, Ohio Republican Chairman Bob Bennett (then in his earlier  term) and Summit County Republican Chairman Alex Arshinkoff  insisted to me that their party would expand its base to include you-know-whos. It would be a magisterial commitment by two GOP draft horses to make the party whole for generations to come.

Didn't happen quite that way.  Not even close.  So after its  Comeback Team Romney/Ryan debacle in November -  a presidential election that even Karl Rove and Peggy Noonan decided was in their party's victory column for the asking -  the Republican brass are at it again.  They will spend $10 million, it says here, to send an army of circuit riders into the boonies to preach  the party's brand.  Suddenly minorities have become the party's search for the Holy Grail.

If there is a true opposite to Knute Rockne's famous half-time dressing room oration to his wilting team before sending it back onto the field, Reince Priebus,  the less-than-inspiring  national Republican Party chairman will have to do. He says the voter roundup  will  include "hundreds of people - paid - across the country, from coast to coast, in Hispanic, African-American, Asian communities, talking about our party, talking about our brand,  talking about what we believe in---"

Hold it right there, fella!  Ohioans already know what the party believes in. Let me remind you:

Begin with the belabored effort to limit the voter turnout last November. None other than John Boehner, the funereal Speaker,  told a luncheon group  hosted by the Christian Science Monitor last August: "This election is about economics...These groups [minority and poor voters] have been hit the hardest.  They may not show up and vote for our candidate but I'd suggest to  you they won't show up and vote for the president either."

Oh?
Now the Ohio Republican pols want to cut back the time to gather signatures  for  referendums, a bill that Kasich signed a few days ago. It impedes any effort to challenge a law.

From Planned Parenthood, to abortion, to same-sex marriage (Sen. Portman gets an ad hoc  pass on this one), to gun control,  the governor and the Republican controlled legislature keep doing awful things that are running in the opposite direction of the public mood.

And I haven't even mentioned Republicans' failed attack on unions in SB5, which was mauled at the polls.

Come to think of it, when Priebus talks of a $10 million outlay to  woo new voters with the Republican brand, he does sound like  a cheapskate. It won't be that easy. Tea Partyers are talking about starting their own party in Ohio.  Nobody except the governor and his A-Team seems happy about his proposed tax plan.

 Politically, the Buckeye State for national Republicans has become Brand X. The only question now:  What has taken them so long to figure that out - if indeed they have?  

What can I do? Reince is back

 Oh, I see how it works.  Now that Mitt has chosen Paul Ryan to be his hood ornament,  he can rely on Reince Priebus to be his torpedo.  I really hate to keep bringing up Reince, but he is the unpleasant chairman of the Republican National Committee and it appears that he will be ready on a moment's notice to point to new evidence of evil  in the Obama camp.

Priebus is the guy who referred to Senate Majority leader Harry Reid as a "dirty liar" - the sort of reference you might hear in a schoolyard or a gangster movie.  And Sunday  on Meet the Press he described the President as a felon who  "stole $700 from Medicare to fund Obamacare."

But the stealing part has been quickly consigned to the trash bin  by the non-partisan Politifact, which said  the  money didn't  come out of the current budget, "they are not actual cuts, and nowhere does the bill  actually eliminate any curernt benefits."

But, folks, it could have been worse.  Priebus could have accused Obama of being a survivor of Jonestown who managed to escape  by swinging from tree to tree.

Or that he was born in  Saul Alinsky's basement  while   Harry Caray led a noisy Cubs crowd in "Take me out to the ballgame"  during the seventh inning stretch.

Or that Obama's long rap sheet said he was arrested  on Chicago's South Side for attempting to  sell a used (!) condom  to a priest,

Or that the number on his Visa card is 666 - the Biblical reference to Satan.

But it's still August, and with Priebus, anything is shamefully possible.

Priebus heading for Comedy Central?

When Reince Priebus, the nutsy Republican National chairman referred to Democratic Senate Majority leader Harry Reid as a "dirty liar",  it sent us back to the days of the silver screen when a lot of  of folks  were being scripted to use a negative adjective to describe  a negative noun.

For instance, there were tough guy Jimmy Cagney  hissing that somebody was a "dirty rat" and hoodlums  referring to other unpleasant people as "dirty doublecrossers".  Like that.  It simply wasn't enough to be a rat or a doubecrosser. Nor a liar.  You had to be dirty, too.

But because Priebus is unforgivably  stupid, he tried to explain to George Stephanopoulos that he "wouldn't go down that road" of talking about Reid because he didn't want to "respond to a dirty liar".  How good of this man , who has said  before that he doesn't want to engage in name-calling. A puzzled
Stephanopoulos failed to get Priebus to clarify this contradiction.

This is hardly the first time that the RNC boss has demonstrated exuberant nonsense.  A few days ago, he accused President Obama of purposely reviving Rev. Wright as a campaign piece  to distract voters from Obama's other failures.  Or he likened a "war on caterpillars'' to critics accusing  Republicans of a "war on women".

And he defended Rep. Allen West, the noisy right-winger  from Florida who accused Obama of wanting folks to be slaves so they could be dependent on government.  Oh, and West's turn   to McCarthyism to declare there were 80  communists in Congress.

"Allen West," Priebus asserted, "is an important member of Congress from South Florida.  I'm not going to throw Allen West in a ditch".

He won't have to.  West is already there. But we don't know where Reince is these days.  Republicans, you have a problem.

Reince Priebus: GOP's wannabe Jon Stewart

Readers,  what would we do without Republican National Chairman Reince Priebus offering us comic relief from the otherwise dreary narrative of  the party's election year playbook?  I mean, he's the megaphone of the national party and there he was telling Wolf Blitzer (who isn't that exciting himself) that  Rep. Allen West was "one of the most  dynamic new Republican stars in our Party...He's got a bright future."

That was  the chaiman's side-splitting response to  Blitzer's question about West describing Obama as a slave boss. Or as West put it earlier about Obama: "He'd rather you be his slave and be economically dependent on him."

Pressed by Blitzer to take the thought further, Priebus declared, "Allen West is an important member of Congress from South Florida.  I'm not going to throw Allen West in a ditch."

Funny that he should refer to West as a dynamic  Republican  star when the same rising star said recently that there were at least 80 or so Communists in Congress!.  On to the ditch, I say!

When Republicans rocket to new jobs, etc.

SCANNING THE PAPERS for soggy guidance from worldly philosophers this morning we were impressed by the treasures one discovers, and it doesn't cost that much.

Today, there was a report in the Beacon Journal with state Rep. Lynn Slaby telling us that the Republican state representative , at 73, is "ready to tackle new career." Well,, maybe not that ready for his new $119,000 job as a member of the Public Utilities Commission of Ohio. As he put it, he doesn't know much about utility operations but assured us that he is fascinated by the challenge. I'll bet.

We learned that (1) Slaby was not "enamored" of his House seat to which he was elected last year. The BJ quoted him as saying, "I wasn't ready to retire and not sure the fit is right for me in the House." (He was age-limited out of his judgeship on the Ninth District Court of Appeals in 2009.) (2) His wife, Marilyn, 72, a former state lawmaker who was defeated at the polls, is interested in returning to the seat that hubby is vacating. Oh, I see.

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Then , there was this whopper in the Plain Dealer via PolitiFact Ohio: In a recent appearance in Cleveland, McMitt Romney accused President Obama of never once - not once! - mentioning deficit or debt in his State of the Union address. The fact checkers, however, counted at least six references to debt and deficit, which means that Romney will not include PolitiFact on the long list of things he loves. Poor McMitt. He should be living in ancient Greece, when the gods changed human beings into any figure that served the needs - a bull, a swan, a river, a tree, whatever. Now, it's simply McMitt being McMitt.

* * * * *

For all of this, we must still give a belated Grumpy Abe Linguistic Lunacy (GALL) Award to National GOP Chairman Reince Priebus, who, in a desperate strike against some good economic news showing an increase of 225,000 jobs, hissed :

"Today's jobs report is yet another reminder that far too many Americans are out of work, and the situation is clearly not improving."

We know how it could be made better by eliminating one job at National Republican headquarters.

In the wake of the dump truck

SOME TRASH THAT fell off the truck while the Romney campaign was spending more than $15 million on ads in Florida:

• As the GOP's national chairman Reince Priebus continues to wave off his TV comment comparing President Obama to the captain of the ill-fated Italian cruise ship, he effortlessly ascended to first place as the party's Public Idiot #1. Where do Republicans find these silly hit men , anyway?

• Speaking of waving garbage off, Florida Republican Rep. Allen West insisted he was misunderstood when he shouted to an audience that President Obama, Sen. Harry Reid and Rep. Nancy Pelosi should "get the hell out of America." I'm not sure what there is to misunderstand about those words. If you know, tell me.

• Haven't we had a enough of the "class warfare" whining from the right? When a party has no class, how can there be warfare over it?

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• When McNewt assures us that he plans to stay in the race until the GOP convention, you have to admire his mad rush to oblivion. As the only talking walrus in captivity, he offers a fresh supply of nonsense everyday. Now that we have become conditioned to it, we will miss him on Doomsday. (A third party McNewt/Cain ticket?)
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• When Fox's Lou Dobbs says the economy is improving, it's improving, folks.
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• Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer, whose crass confrontation with President Obama stretched beyond absurdity, has updated her finger-pointing stunt, writing on her home site: "I was telling him, You have ONE more year. The president needs to be reminded that he is the president of the FEDERAL REPUBLIC and not a KING lording over state governors." As you might expect, Brewer is seeking re-election in her troubled state and what better way to get a photo-op than to jam into the president's face? It's a little surprising that she didn't bring a nasty anti-Obama protestor sign to close the deal with the voters. Jeez!

Priebus's abysmal attack on Obama

SINCE REINCE PRIEBUS became the Republican National Chairman in January 2011, I've shied away from mentioning him because there was a very good chance that I would misspell his name. That was easy to do because the name has two versions of "ei" and who could remember which came first?

But now we have to recognize that he is as irrelevant as the GOP chairman as I would be. Indeed, you could say that he is a disgrace to a party that has expressed its hatred of President Obama in so many beastly ways. Priebus came out of obscurity to compare the president to Capt. Schettino, the miserable coward who was charged with manslaughter after he abandoned the tilted Italian cruise ship in which at least 16 people have died.

In an abysmal non-apologetic explanation, he believed the comparison was quite appropriate and talked of how Obama has abandoned the needs of the public to campaign for reelection. As he put it earlier on a CBS-TV Sunday morning program, "We're going talk about our own Little Captain Schettino, who is President Obama who's abandoning the ship here in the United States and is more interested in campaigning than doing his job as president."

Look out, Reince. If that's how you want to play the game, somebody might well refer to you as the new Goebbels of the Republican Party.

The new man at RNC a headache for spellers

ISN'T IT JUST like those Republicans to elect a new national chairman with a name that figures to be their revenge against us slow-witted writers who can never remember such things as whether the "i" goes before the "e" or vice versa. Now we will have to overcome a sort of double jeopardy inasmuch as the new RNC boss, Reince Priebus, will have us Googling his name to decide whether "i" goes before the "e" in his surname rather than in the given name.

In school, we learned that it's always "i" before the "e" except after "c". It was not until my second year in college that I spelled seize and siege correctly without help from a "c", only to forget it later. Weird and wield were just as troublesome and often led me to the dictionary. But Reince Priebus ( I think I got it right) is not in the dictionary. I'll try to get it right from now on, but if I don't, I doubt that there are many people outside of RP's immediate family who will notice it. Michael Steele made life so much simpler.