Moon landings, trees, and Santorum's multiple choices

AS YOU MIGHT KNOW by now, my eyes wonder off the page in my dedicated efforts to comprehend the remarks of the current Republican herd of presidential McElephants. It happened when Newt Gingrich predicted he would stage a moon landing - in his second term! Cognizance was further abused when Mitt Romney told a Chamber of Commerce group in Michigan that one of the big reasons he loved his native state was that its trees were the "right height". (As one who lives among trees, I can tell you that I instantly checked ours for arborial equality and conceded there must be another way to express your love of your community.

Now comes Rick Santorum to the Summit County Lincoln Day Dinner to bestir the usual suspects - the party's enduring glitterati at these annual affairs. If I read the Beacon Journal account correctly - and possibly I didn't - he gave us a multiple choice of the same theme in the first five or six paragraphs.

No. 1. "America doesn't need a president it can believe in."

No.2. "We've always succeeded when we have a president who believe in them." (Them?)

No. 3. "That is what this election is all about. Who do you believe in?" (Them? Us? Me?)

In fairness, I should add the hometown Republican crowd reportedly gave him a standing ovation, although I'm not sure whether it was for No. 1, 2 or 3.The guests also gave him a 74 pct. triumph in a predictable straw poll.

Meanwhile, oddly enough, the county's party chairman, Alex Arshinkoff, who was seated next to Santorum, never appeared in the BJ account - another first for such festive political occasions. The thrill of announcing a meaningless straw poll was left to Bryan Williams, former county Elections Board director and now a Santorum booster.

Arshinkoff did tell me that as a matter of traditional party policy neither he nor the party would endorse anybody until the nominee is chosen at the convention. Politically speaking, that much caution I could understand. It's still February, folks.

And the Republican nominee isn't...

WHILE MANY OF us enjoyed a perfect weather week end of walking, digging, mowing. Marathon running or poring over the Sunday New York Times crossword, there was another event or two that consumed the pundits with new lines of chatter: Herman Cain, the widely described pizza mogul, won the Florida straw vote and Mitt Romney, who was clobbered by Cain, won Michigan. If you've been foolishly keeping score, that gives Cain, Romney and Michele Bachmann (have you forgotten the Iowa outcome already?) each a straw vote victory as they slog for the Republican presidential nomination.

And once again, we are witnessing the media nonsense to be the first to forecast the winner with these meaningless annoyances with the presidential election still 13 months away.

Historians tell us that the first such straw vote occurred in 1824 when reporters from the Harrisburg Pennsylvanian threw straws into the air to determine which way the political winds were blowing. Obviously that was preferable to spinning bottles that could have hurt someone had they been sent aloft.

But what good is a pre-primary campaign if you can't have a front-runner? So far, we've seen mentioned as nominee-designates Sarah Palin, Mitch Daniels, Mike Huckabee, Tim Pawlenty, Michele Bachmann, Mitt Romney, Rick Perry and Fred Thompson. Whoops. Thompson's 15 minutes of media speculation was four years ago. Nowadays he's coming at us on TV with mortgage commercials in a reassuring voice so much like Dr. Welby's.

It is, however, of passing interest that the conservative folks who were dumping on Romney are now out for a quick end to Perry's dream. Brit Hume , the Fox guru, accused Perry of "throwing up" during the last debate. Words like "collapse" and "weak" were tossed about by the Fox panel that vivisected Perry. It was enough to make him return to sheep-farming.

Others are saying it's time for Chris Christie to reconsider, but that may be like waiting for Godot. Meantime, as puzzles go on warm autumn afternoons, I prefer the big one in the Sunday Times.