Michael, it's time to row your boat to shore!

JOHN KASICH as been running around the state challenging Gov. Strickland to pledge that he would never-never-never-never raise taxes. It seems to me that Strickland's handlers need to inject some imagination into his non-response to Kasich's dare. (1) He could tell Kasich that he will come forward with a pledge, ridiculous though it may be, when the former Wall Street Republican self-defined gofer releases his 2009 income tax. (Did he get an even bigger bonus from bankrupt Lehman Brothers than in 2008? Don't know.) (2) He could respond cryptically by saying he would do what previous Ohio Republican governors have done in times of need. (3) He could simply say, "Read my lips" and be done with the pestering. Taxes? What, in the meantime would you call increases in state university tuition and the many fees being tacked on to high school students for activities and materials that once came with the territory? If that's all Kasich has got, he might have to be careful about what he is wishing for.

THERE ARE MOMENTS when I think Michael Steele is running the Republican National Committee like Harry Houdini. There are moments when I think he is as crazy as Glenn Beck without the tears. And then there are moments when I think he is a sly old street fox who is out to humiliate all of those rich white guys in the Republican Party. I'm not sure which of those were in play when he reportedly invited the right-wing hit man Andrew Breitbart to co-chair a reception for a RNC fund-raiser on August 12 in Beverly Hills. (Breitbart has just added another victim to his bloody toll - Shirley Sherrod - who was fired from the Ag Dept. by a grossly inattentive and shamefully soft-spined bureaucrat in the Obama Administration.")

It's torpedoes like Breitbart who are blowing hole in the Republican brand. On the other hand, it's possible he is, in fact, now the Republican brand.

RNC's Steele flips out on flipping a bird

ALTHOUGH IT didn't seem possible that RNC Chairman Michael Steele could lower his rants to the depths of the gutter, he did exactly that with a blast at Democrats on the health care front. In a conference call with former Texas Rep. Dick Armey, who has resurrected himself as a leader of the Tea Bagger movement, Steele frothed:

"I'm tired of this congress thumbing their nose and flipping the bird at the people of this country!"

Flipping the bird? If the term eludes you, think of a middle finger raised in anger. Some Democrats as well as Republican Sen. Judd Gregg found his outburst quite distasteful. As for me, I have no choice but to award him the Grumpy Abe Linguistic Lunacy (GALL) award. For Steele, that's not the first time he walked off with a GALL - and I'm sure not the last.

For GOP Scouts: Loyal, thrifty, reverent, scary

AS IF REPUBLICAN pols didn't have enough to keep them busy these days, there's now word that some predatory members on the Republican National Committee have a mind to confront their candidates with a modern version of those scary loyalty oaths of decades ago. In short, they are insisting on adherence to a list of fail-safe conservative ideas that have long escaped the cutting room floor. Violators, I'd guess, will be accused of ideological adultery and probably disowned.

Some critics of the party's rightwing adventure into self-profiling refer to it as a litmus test. But the inquisitors have placed what they consider to be a nobler title on their plan. They are calling it, "Reagan's Unity Principle for Support of Candidates," and if there's anybody young enough on the RNC to remember all of that in one sitting, it might have a chance for success. On the other hand, the GOP sleuths might only be kidding. You would hope so.

I can only conclude that somebody must have picked up a tattered copy of the Birch Society's Blue Book at a yard sale, issued by its late founder Robert Welch. Replace Welch's notion of an insidious domestic Communist threat (as well as showily patriotic assaults on unnamed traitors and socialized medicine) with "socialist" and I don't find much difference between the Birchers mob-like passions of the late 6os into the 70s - and the Teabaggers of today. I was reminded of that again when a government official lost his job after Glenn Beck dragged him through mud.

Well, those Republicans who have apologetically cowered before Limbaugh have only themselves to blame. Politics have never been an arena for polite society. But you can ask what has the party done in recent years to avoid the Frankenstein that it created on the hard right that is now threatening to consume its own people, litmus test included. The Becks, O'Reillys, Kristols, Bachmanns et al have had fun while it has lasted, but now the GOP faces threats of a third-party movement that has already begun in Florida. In February, the Teabaggers will stage their first national convention with such headliners as Sarah Palin and Bachmann. It will be more than a moment for the exchange of valentines.

GOP candidates have also stood silent against the bizarre ranters at the Tea Parties who lowered their brand still further with over-the-top misbehavior at public meetings. None has so demeaned their tactics more than the mocking outburst of laughter and hoots by a a group that dubbed itself the Chicago Tea Party Patriots at a recent Chicago town hall meeting. They targeted a couple who rose to lament that their daughter-in-law and unborn grandchild died in the absence of health insurance.

Oh. I haven't mentioned the 10-point test for true conservatives, but you can probably name the talking points: free markets, taxes, federal debt, guns, overseas containment of the bad guys with whatever it takes, marriage contracts, labor rules, immigration etc. One study by Think Progress has already identified 40 Republican congressmen who couldn't pass the exam.

As a counter-test of the profilers I might suggest challenging them to recite the alphabet in the proper sequence.

I've just read How the Irish Saved Civilization by Thomas Cahill. The historian wrote that the Romans considered the Barbari (anyone not a Roman) as an "undistinguished, matted mass of Others, not terrifying, just troublemakers, annoyances, things one would rather not have to deal with..."

I thought that it might well describe the crazy profilers on the RNC. On the other hand, for their fellow-traveling Teabaggers, do you think that description might be too kind?

.

New handbook has Latin for Dummies

THE NEW REPUBLICAN National Committee Website refers to GOP Icon Ronald Reagan as Ronaldus Magnus. You don't have to be a Latin scholar to understand the meaning. In fact, I doubt very much whether there are any Latin scholars or anyone else at the RNC these days. Still, I like the idea of Latin names for people who normally speak in the vernacular. Besides, Reagan is now the party's fifth saint to the right of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. The Gospels don't lie.

Let's see. In my quest to be hip with current progressive trends, I would have no trouble with Jonus Boehnerus Caracallus and Marcus Sanfordus Infidelus. Dickus Chenus Caligulatus would qualify if you added Monstrus to the surname. Yeah, I like that, too. Georgeus Bushus Nero would be OK if you weren't asked to explain the Nero part. Otherwise, drop the Nero and add Imperiatus . There are a lot of Caesars running around politics these days, but they can't measure up to Augustus. Anybody messing with this emperor's name would do so at his own peril. Take your time in identifying others. Rome wasn't built in a day. Oh, Tomus DeLayus Maximus Chachatus also works for me.

Take it from there. You may become the wave of the future. Well, at least a ripple.

A nutjob who lives in glass houses...

MICHAEL STEELE is now the tarnished hood ornament of a desperate, aimless and ranting Republican Party. As an African-American cynically chosen to represent the GOP as the head of Republican National Committee to flaunt its (hollow) commitment to minorities, he has instead unwittingly served to brand the party's failure to rationally reach beyond its white masses. Seldom a day passes that he doesn't offer his critics a silly comment or two to support their case. I can't be sure how much his political fraternity brothers in the GOP quietly suffer his antics, although in their silence you could suppose, at least, that they are willing to allow him to be their fall guy to advance whatever their cause despite his negative impact on what's left of the party. In that sense, he's being used.

Steele's latest venture into quicksand was his demonic assault on New York Times columnist Tom Friedman, who had written that fire-breathing right-wingers care creating a climate of potential violence against President Obama. Anyone of sound mind who has followed the inflammatory elements of the anti-Obama crowd on the Internet and at rallies could easily agree with Friedman, who is quite the centrist. But Steele called the columnist a "nutjob", asking "where do these nutjobs come from?" Maybe the RNC that installed Steele could provide us with the answer.

The RNC's mindless "Galore"

WELL, THE REPUBLICAN National committee has decided to go Hollywood again after years of waiting for Ronald Reagan to return the party's phone calls.   The latest gambit is an R-rated RNC video attacking Nancy Pelosi,   likening her to the old James Bond anti-heroine Pussy Galore.  POLITICO reports that although the B-movie comedy writers at the RNC didn't actually use the vulgar reference to Pelosi's  anatomy, what else could you conclude when they ran her picture next to Pussy's, and  if you needed further coaching, noted here were two Democrats "Galore."  I'm not sure that Honor Blackman was a Democrat in 1963 when the Bond movie "Goldfinger"  came out  - RNC often takes license with stray notions for shock effect -  but I can hear the guffaws and back-slapping by the inmates at the RNC for coming up with such a  cute way to suggest that a woman might have a certain physical  advantage on Capitol Hill.

Whew!   Has this gang not yet  heard that  the Democrats captured the majority of women's votes last November?  And how embarrassing it might have been to some Republicans when a woman in John McCain's audience referred to Hillary Clinton as "the bitch"  - a reference that occasionally pops up on right-wing talk shows.  Isn't there anybody else minding the store but  RNC chairman Michael Steele,  who is burned regularly for some of his mindless comments?  The Democrats aren't angels, but they don't have to be so long as the RNC takes care of its business by vulgarizing  women.  

Mike Duncan's new math

  I HAD promised myself that I would break from the  herd and not write about Saxby Chambliss. But I could not resist the temptation that finally overcame my better judgment.  So to repeat the obvious, the Hollywood-looking snowy-haired Republican senator won the Georgia run-off  this week - as expected in a very conservative southern state where a very talented professional football player was sent to jail for engaging in dog-fighting and a former Democratic governor and U.S. Senator, Zell Miller,   turned up at the Republican convention to praise Bush and damn Kerry while noisily wishing that he lived in a day when he could challenge Chris Matthews to a dual. Georgia is not Vermont. 

I'm still trying to figure out how the proud voters of the Peach State first went for Chambliss - who had eagerly  avoided military service - in  2002  against the Democratic incumbent senator, Max Cleland,  a triple amputee  from his service in Vietnam.  Chambliss got away with describing his opponent as a wimp on fighting terrorism.  Georgia Republicans are an easy sell.

So now here was Mike Duncan, the incidental chairman of the Republican National Committee, crowing that Saxby's win was so profound that it serves as  irrefutable evidence that Barack Obama doesn't have a mandate to lead the country.  Let him explain:

"Georgians clearly sent a message that any rhetoric about a liberal mandate is nothing but hot air." 

Message to whom?  He didn't say.  But he did say that Saxby gave the GOP conservatives  the "momentum" that the party had been seeking since Obama's...um...mandate-less triumph on Nov. 4. 

All of this high-level consideration of mandates led me to put it in some kind of historical context to define the word.  

Back in 2004, moments after the fateful numbers that sent him to the Oval Office a second time, George Bush clearly exercised his thoughts about his next four years  with a boastful threat to anyone who might stand in his way.  "I earned capital in the campaign, political capital," Dubya sounded off, "and now I intend to spend it.  It is my style."  Cool.

This is where I went off the track with Chairman Duncan.  Using his logic, Bush won with a 3 million vote margin, a hefty 50.7 pct. vs. Kerry's skimpy  48.3 pct.    Obama edged McCain by more than 9 million votes  - 52.7 pct. to 45.8 pct.   Hardly enough to convince  Duncan that Obama had earned enough "political capital" to claim a mandate.  

So I ask: How dumb do you have to be these days  to serve as the Republican National Committee's chairman?    Just asking.  Obviously, math is not a prerequisite.

Boning the turkeys

NEWS FROM the front: Ken Blackwell, the guy who ran so poorly against Ted  Strickland for governor in 2006, is reported to be interested in chairing the Republican National Committee.  Wow!  A friendly word to moderate Republicans, Democrats and Palin's Pro-American Party:  Get out of his way and let him have it!  With him around, your workload in electing your own candidates in 2010 will be reduced by at least half.....Speaking of turkeys, Glenn Beck, the newly arrived right-wing ding-a-ling at Fox  (from CNN) says states that object to government bailouts have an absolute right to secede  from the Union.   With some Alaskans of a similar mind,  they should all be reminded that the U.S. is a country (not a continent) where secession has been tried without success.  Nice try, Glenn, if not original!...And speaking of bailouts,  Miriam-Webster's online report has declared "bailout" to be the "word of the year." However, over the course of the current economic remedies,  " flailout"  might have been more appropriate some days.  

Palin's window dressing

THE LATEST dollop of yeast to be injected into the public's rising disaffection with Sarah Palin is the news that the Republican National Committee spent $150,000 on her and her family for the sort of wardrobe enhancement that would not be stylish for moose-hunting. Most of her clothes were purchased at Sak's Fifth Avenue and Nieman Marcus, the sort of tony emporia that you wouldn't expect to find  sharing a shopping strip with Sam's Club.   Although the honorable intent  of the shopping spree was to spruce up Sarah's image  (along with daringly letting her hair fall  fetchingly as a pro-American woman)  it's doubtful it will do much for her other image down in Smalltown, USA, where people are only interested in bargains at 75 pct. off. .   Even though some Republican contributors are showing signs of dismay by such profligacy,  Pish-posh, responds the RNC.  So let's hear what Tracey Schmidt, the RNC's spokesperson has to say:

          "With all of the important issues facing the country right now it's remarkable that we're                talking about pantsuits and blouses." 

Besides, Schmidt reminds us, the clothes will go to "charitable purposes" after the election. Palin, after all, knows a lot about charity inasmuch she was charging the state of Alaska per diem for the days she stayed at home from the governor's office. 

Youbetcha she does.