Another GOP debate: O holy night

HOW GOOD OF THE Republican presidentials to visit us with one more Festival of Lights the other night. As these men and woman of good cheer - they even forced smiles while under assault - laid out their vision of a prosperous Obama-less future in the Oval Office, we were comforted by their compassion for what is left of, um, the American Dream. They were the seven swans a-swimming in pledges to rid us of the evils du jour.

I took a few notes to remind myself that America's oppressed as well as the one percenters will be in good hands after election day. (Have yourself a merry little Christmas...)

Some vignettes that gleamed like tinsel in this seasonally-adjusted stage production:

Newt, who obviously had some problems with marital skills, stepped up forthrightly and confessed that he had made mistakes, but they didn't include the $1.6 million he was paid by Freddie Mac to be an historian and NOT a lobbyist.

Michelle pledged to rid us of the Environmental Protection Agency and reassured us glowingly that she is well suited to be a businesslike president, having worked in the private sector in 50 of her 55 years on earth. I had hoped she would explain those missing five years, but she ran out of time. She did say that she was "unashamed and unapologetic" to declare her fealty to America. (O come, all ye faithful)

Not to be challenged, Mitt offered to bet Rick (Perry) a gentlemanly $10,000 that Perry was wrong about something he said about Mitt, who also said he loved America. In a rare moment of sanity, Rick turned him down. But it did make one wonder about how many people in TVland could have laid up that kind of risk capital on the spur of the moment. ( Jingle $$$ Bells)

Michele persisted in referring to Newt and Mitt as Newt Romney, which didn't have much to do with familial ties. Her cute point was simply that you can't separate their fabricated ideas. On the other hand, when Mitt said he was above the field because he wasn't a career politician, Newt turned up the best line of the evening by countering that the only reason Mitt wasn't a career politician was because he lost a Senate race to Ted Kennedy in 1994. Newt has an exceptional sense of history, don't you think?

Newt defended his recent scourge of "stupid" child labor laws and saw no reason why he should recant his Toynbee grasp of history by accusing Palestinians of being "invented." Mitt wanted everyone to know that Netanyahu was "my friend B.B". In a pandering appeal for Jewish support, several of the contestants insisted that all of the trouble in the Middle East was caused by...Obama. All of that would change when...

In various degrees of scorn, there was little disagreement over the invasion of illegal immigrants although Newt did hold some hope for those who have been in the U.S. 25 years. (Feliz Navidad)

Ron (paul) , the Texas libertarian. continued his assault on U.S. engagement in foreign wars, which was largely ignored by the others. And Rick (Santorum), the Pennsylvanian who lost his bid for reelection in 2006 by 18 points, insisted that he was the GOP's best choice at the top of the ticket because the party needed the Keystone State to win. (Joy to the World)

It was finally time for everybody to go and the stage darkened in peace. Mercifully, Silent Night.

Soon to arrive: the GOP's Great Pumpkin Debate

IN THESE SCARY DAYS of the Halloween season, we should all be reminded of the words of Linus van Pelt, the wonderful kid in Peanuts that Lucy prefers to call "stark raving stupid." Not so. As Linus tells us: "There are three things I have learned never to discuss with people...religion, politics and the Great Pumpkin." So far, the Republican candidates debating the fate of the nation have ignored Linus on two of the three, politics and religion. But, alas, based on what we've heard so far, we can expect their arguments over the Great Pumpkin to arrive momentarily.

Miss Universe says it all for GOP debaters

IT SEEMS FITTING that the Miss Universe contest competed on TV with the Republican candidates debate Monday night as beauty contests in which both events fed us predigested answers to please the judges. Even the hype was intended to be breathlessly fetching for the viewer.

The advance reporting alerted us to the possibility that the presidential candidates would get after each other, and even crash in fireballs, as they sometimes do in the Indy 500 for the benefit of those spectators anticipating bloodshed. It wasn't enough to persuade me to skip the NFL game. Instead, I later scanned the on-line coverage. Smart move.

For starters, there was a huge difference in apparel, of course, ranging from baring to boring. Do you think we might get a self-conscious presidential debate in Nehru suits to remind the audience of the candidates' grasp of history? Somehow black business suits just don't work very well with the glittering pageantry of the moment.

I concede that I was taken by Miss Universe winner's response to the question of how she might change her "personal characteristics" if she could. Leila Lopes ( the winner) declared:

"Thank God, I'm very well satisfied with the way God created me and I would not change a thing. I consider myself a woman with inner beauty. I have my principles. I have acquired many wonderful principles from my family and I plan to follow this through the rest of my life."

That pretty well touches all of the principled bases for the self-assured debaters, too. No one can ever doubt their self-satisfaction in the pursuit of the Oval Office. Still, there were voices on stage with thoughts that made you wonder about their crazy pursuit of the crown. For example, Michele Bachmann attacked Rick Perry for mandating the use of an anti-cancer vaccine on teenage girls. There's more, folks.

She then rushed off to speak to Fox News, which is a kind of latrine for conservatives who have to go, to warn of the dangers of the vaccine. She said she had been told by one mother that the latter's daughter suffered mental retardation after she was vaccinated!

Poor Michele, whose fortunes are falling as fast as they once arose. That wouldn't even get her an honorable mention in the la-la land of Miss Universe.