Chuzzlewit: Democrats' secret weapon?

ONE OF THE big reasons the Republicans get their way on so many issues is that they are profoundly clever in controlling the national story line. Clearly that's the way the line is going on the health care issue and who would think to challenge these pros? They have been aided and abetted, of course by the networks. A long time ago the networks laid off their fact-checkers as an economic move in anticipation of the recession, which as late as last September didn't exist because John McCain said the "fundamentals" were strong. That question having been settled, Republicans and their friendly broadcasters were free to cast the Obama clique as doomsayers and Obama himself in many wicked incarnations as socialist, communist, fascist, outer-space alien, and arrogant SOB, to name a few. Speechless from the absurdity of the GOP's designated hits, timid Democrats were unable to respond in kind, other than to describe Sarah Palin as an opportunistic hottie, which nobody outside her immediate family denied anyway. Democrats have a long tradition of being meaner to each other than to the other party.

But there is a way to handle such glaring linguistic deficits for Democrats to balance the playing field. They need to develop their own name-calling terms. Having thought about this for several minutes, I've concluded that the most effective start would be to refer to the other party as packed with chuzzlewits. When an acquaintance mentions that he heard Obama is a full-blooded Husseinian, you must bat it aside by referring to his accusers as dangerous chuzzlewits.

"Chuzzlewits?" you would certainly be questioned.

"Right. Chuzzlewits - and it could be quite effective in retaliating against the cliches that line the streets leading to Capitol Hill. It's fresh. It's provocative. It's full of non-meaning."

"But what is a chuzzlewit?"

"My dear sir, all I can tell you is that a chuzzlewit is so bad that you don't ever want to go there It doesn't mean a damn thing. It just has a dumb but fetching sound. Still, it will soon be the talk of the talk shows."

"But - "

"If you must know, l I can tell you is that it is worse than snoozing in the bathtub when an enormous 0ak tree falls smack on your house."

"Do you know any...eh...chuzzlewits today? I mean, really..."

"Sure. Think of Mitch McConnell."

"But he's a senator, right? How can he be a chuzzlewit, too?""

"See what I mean? Still not satisfied? Try John Boehner..."

"Who?"

"And Rush Limbaugh..."

"Wow! I never in a million years would have thought that Rush was, as you say, a chuzzlewit."

"Now we're getting somewhere. And if you really want to help your party, call all of your friends and tell them that Dick Cheney is not only one chuzzlewit, but two. Maybe even three."

"But I still would like to know what it means."

"Don't have to know what it means, my friend. The world is filled with things we don't know. But somehow we manage to survive."

"How awful."

"Right. Still such ignorance can work to the advantage of either side. If it helps, look at it this way: How many people on the other side know what a socialist or fascist is? Still, it works for them, just as chuzzlewit will work for you."

"Chuzzlewit."

"With 2 z's."

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