When change means some of the same old lobbyists

AS THE POLITICAL reformers crowd into the new Congress, you can put the following report under the heading of, the more things change the more they stay the same.

ITEM: When Louisiana Democratic Senator Mary Landreau flew out of the chute to savage President Obama's tax compromise as "nonsensicalness and almost, you know, moral corruptness," it left me, you know, with the feeling that Katrina had garbled her memory (she did also defend BP on the oil spill, you know, you know. The problem with her outrage, however, is that she voted in favor of the Bush tax cuts in the early 90s.

ITEM: Republican Sen. Jon Kyl, of Arizona, an ardent opponent of earmarks, did manage to get a big one for old times' sake by slipping into another bill a $200 million Federal grant to one of his state's Indian tribes. His office insisted it wasn't an earmark. Right. Problem solved.

ITEM: The Washington Post had this to say about the all of the fresh faces who are arriving on Capitol Hill to clean up government: "Many incoming GOP lawmakers have hired registered lobbyists as senior aides. Several of the candidates have strong support from the anti-establishment Tea Party movement." And as Think Progress pointed out, "These lobbyists are not public servants. They are experts at carving out special deals and tax giveaways to powerful corporations."

Want a prominent example? Rep.-elect Mike Pompeo of Kansas has named Mark Chenowerth as his chief of staff. Chenowerth is a former lawyer-lobbyist for Koch Industries, owned by billionaires Charles and David Koch. They are remembered as the major sugar daddies of the Tea Partyers in the past campaign. (Guess where Chenowerth is going with this one to look after all of those angry little folks who want their government back!)

So far more than a dozen pols have been identified as having hired big-time lobbyists to shape the style of their humble offices.

I wonder if any of this has gotten back to the raging placard-wavers at the Tea Party rallies.

Mighty Luke has just struck out

LET US NOT be too harsh with Luke Scott, the Baltimore Orioles designated hitter, for outing himself as a birther in a news interview that now has the making of a media event for the lack of much else to be a baseball event. Accusing President Obama of "hiding something", Scott believes that it should be obvious to everyone by now that Obama was not born in the United States. Of course, his geographical innocence leads one to suspect that Scott doesn't know that Hawaii is in the United States. Players usually leave all of that kind of useless trivia to their agents. Or, in this case, to the Orioles' front office, which denied sharing Scott's errant idea and issued this statement: "The fact is that Barack Obama is our president, duly elected by the people of the United States. End of story." Not too cool, Luke.

Political Q&A...

On Capitol Hill and in Ohio, the Democrats are a miserable train wreck and the Republicans are an awful disaster waiting to happen.

Next question.

The rascals haven't abandoned their old ways

HAVE YOU BEEN keeping up with Cuyahoga County's efforts to begin a new political life with a different form of government? Despite the civic enthusiasm over finding new ways to conduct old business, there are already distressing signs that the old ways may not have been entirely laid to rest. Take, for example, this Page One headline in the Plain Dealer:

Rancor over private meeting prompts council to delay vote

The story told us that a majority (six) of the recently elected 11- member County Council had stirred up a lot of people because it met privately (i.e., secretly) to select Council leadership from it own preferred stock.

Nice try. While some of the Slick Six were apologizing for their breach of propriety, the foul call did suggest that in Cleveland's raucously dissembled political culture, change may require something more than putting new upholstery on an old couch. Even the PD, which has vigorously supported a more productive political class, has now huffed that the new County Council is "divided." And it won't be holding its first official meeting until after the first of the year!

If the long entrenched political rascality up on the lake doesn't change under the new system, the county may have to shop for a benevolent dictator to turn things around. Not that the odds would favor its success.

The British have a new princely diversion

THE BRITISH have long substituted royalty for reality. Something about the divine right of kings (or queens) passed down through the ages as the Great Chain of Being. The monarchy was temporarily interrupted when Charles I got into a war with Parliament and ended up without a head in 1649. Among the common folks as well as the gallery at-large, the fascination with the pompous and prim culture of Buckingham Palace continues to this day with the spate of press reports of a new chapter in princely affairs.

I refer, of course, to Prince William, who's smartly perched on the second rung to the throne. His recently announced fiancee, Kate Middleton, is in the non-regal class, which adds to the suspicions that princes have slim pickings among upper-class royalists in the eligible ranks. On a scale of one-to-ten, this social item might crowd out soccer as Britain's top diversion during the gloomy winter months. As the British magazine The Economist put it, the public is "bored" with rehashing the late Diana's tragic chronicles. "The Royals" it observed, "need a woman with Diana's glamour but without her instability. Kate Middleton...might well fit the bill."

Marriage between social equals is hardly a family value among the enthroned true believers. Henry VIII plucked his stable of wives wherever and whenever they became available without asking too many questions about the stock. And now a dashing young prince has set the stage for his own mate, upgrading their acquaintance at college

So far, things are looking bloody well for the couple who are sending good vibes to the jurors.

As The Economist succinctly noted, "Miss Middleton is very pretty and the newspapers like her."

In praise of concealed weapons, fa-la-la-la-la.

DURING THE HOLIDAY season, we should all be singing the praise of State Rep. Danny R. Bubp (sic), a Republican pol from West Union , Oh. (It's not that far from Kentucky and just a short mule ride to Blue Creek , if that helps). Offering his voice to humanitarian needs, Bubp believes Buckeye citizens should be able to carry concealed weapons into saloons and restaurants that, you know, serve hard likker, even without the careful watch of Sheriff Andy Griffith or Barney Fife. He's busily seeking support from his colleagues to vote it into law. Shouldn't we all feel better that a considerate state lawmaker has the state's greatest needs in mind in these days of economic stress?

Speaking of holiday compassion, Summit Country Republican Chairman Alex Arshinkoff was quoted in the Beacon Journal's story about his Democratic counterpart Wayne Jones' struggle with Parkinson's disease. "I wish him a speedy recovery," Arshinkoff said. "That's a terrible disease. I wouldn't wish it on a dog." That wasn't quite as ill-mannered as some of the things that Alex has snorted about Jones in the past, but should he have also victimized man's best friend in a matter in which friendship between the chairmen never existed?

The latest litmus test for congressmen descending on Capitol Hill in January is said to be, Is he or she Tea Party compatible? Is that like high-definition compatibility for your TV set? Or a toxic conflict between prescriptions that could kill you, as the ads constantly remind us about

Viagra and such. Could we wire up a senator for a 30-day trial period to determine a compatibility comfort zone with a full money-back guarantee if the subject fails to satisfy Tea Party standards?

Hubris, thy name is Mitch McConnell

(Twelfth of a series)

THAT GUY in the photo with thumbs-up glee is Sen.. Mitch McConnell of Ken-turkey. As the Senate minority leader, he is soooo proud that his GOP clan has just defeated a tax cut for the middle class. It's an historic moment for hypocritical Republicans who have built a constituency from promoting tax cuts. You'll be hearing a lot of such nonsense from wealthy political hacks like McConnell & Co. for at least two more years, so this photo will serve nicely as the party's brand. Clip and save. (Thanks to Talking Points Memo for posting this classic picture. )

For some Texas Republicans Jews need not apply

A FELLOW named John Cook, a vocal member of the Texas State Republican Committee, doesn't believe Rep. Joe Straus, a Republican who is Jewish, should be returned as House Speaker in the state legislature. Here is his explanation to the Texas Observer magazine about seating Straus:

"I want to make sure that a person I'm supporting is going to have my values. It's not anything about Jews and whether I think their religion is right or Muslims and whether I think their religion is right....I got into politics to put Christian conservatives into office. They're the people that do the best jobs overall."

I have a hunch that would eliminate Jesus, too.

Next: "My (6,000 year) Old Kentucky Home."

PERHAPS INSPIRED by the two dinosaurs that will be serving as its two U.S. senators in January, Kentucky has officially announced that it will spend $150 million on a vast theme park that will, among other things, insist that the planet is only 6,000 years old. It's not a new idea among the creationists, but now an entire state will try to reap the economic benefits of such logic with an emphasis on how religious education can be fun. If all goes well, it could turn out to be sort of a Serengeti with a Biblical message.

To complete the circle, Gov. Steve Beshear, a Democrat, (which doesn't mean that much in the Bluegrass State) glowed that the new tourist attraction will be spread across 800 acres at the site of the existing Creation Museum, which already boasts of a 12-toot topiary dinosaur. More to come as the planners suggest the project has Jurassic Park in mind with a lot of other roaming creatures, benign or otherwise.

To this end consider Ark Encounter, a tourist knockoff of the USS Constitution parked all these years in Boston Harbor. Visitors, it says here, will encounter a 500-foot wooden replica of Noah's animal rights pride and joy. There will be live creatures, dwarf giraffes and maybe even another dinosaur if any are left at the movie lot.

So I'm not one to argue with the governor's optimism over a project that will open in 2014 and is expected to draw 1.6 million creationists and curiosity seekers a year. "Make no mistake about it, this is a huge deal," the Louisville-Courier Journal quoted him. You bet. Of Biblical proportions.

Oh, the financing. The collaborative developers are the for-profit Ark Encounters and a non-profit outfit called Answers in Genesis. With the governor as their cheerleader, they hope to get a lot of tax incentives that will come out taxpayer pockets. Beshear is already being challenged for wanting to stir state money into a religious pot, but he wants you to know that he is a Christian as well as a public servant.

Did I mention that the park will also have a live animal shows and a Tower of Babel, as if the daily reports from Capitol Hill aren't enough?

Unimpressed by the scope of this prayerful idea, the Courier-Journal editorialized that the governor needs a vacation. It worried that the state's chief executive is suffering from the sort of fatigue that would have him ballyhoo the theme park in the first place. It sinfully concluded that Kentucky needs an updated state motto: "Kentucky - Unbridled Laughingstock."

Whew! I'm glad that I'm not the only one who feels that way.

How the wealthy try to dwarf a party

WITH ALL OF the awful news about how slowly the economy is recovering, I decided to check out some purchases to release some of my own pent-up frustration. Besides, as you probably have heard, now's the time for all good patriots to buy - anything.

An ad for a luxury condo on the 76th floor of a new high-rise in Manhattan strained my budget with a price of $16.8 million but it did offer such amenities as a second bathroom, health club, newspaper delivery at your door, running water and a superb view of the bus stop on the next block. The broker also offered immediate financing with monthly payments of not quite $18,000. But when I arrived at the place, there was a line nearly two blocks long of men in black suits and wingtip shoes, many of whom were grumbling about President Obama's unwarranted tax policies that punished the wealthiest Americans. "Wherever he was born did they think money grows on trees?" one of them huffed as he tried to slip ahead of 10 other potential buyers.

Figuring I had no chance in that puffed-up crowd of hedge funders, I decided to switch my cash to something I had always wanted - a Rolls Royce Corniche that was advertised in the Wall Street Journal for a limited time offer of $380,000. But by the time I found the show room, the convertible had been sold. "Sorry, fella," the dealer said, feigning a Rolls dealer's sympathy. "I could have sold a dozen Corniches in the past hour. You gotta be quick when you're reaching for your wallet against the Wall Street guys. A lot of these folks are looking for a dependable family car these days."

OK. I was disappointed, so it was time for Plan C. I had an eye on a spiffy Hargrave Custom Yacht after my last bonus and found one for $9.6 million. Again, too late. The dealer said he could have sold blah, blah blah.

Being of sound mind, I decided not to imitate the Morgan Stanley Trader (since fired, reports the New York Times) ) who tried to hire a dwarf for an ugly bachelor party stunt! Those guys on millionaires row are really a kick, wouldn't you say? But to be fair about it, they did want to create a job for a dwarf, no matter the cost.

On the way home I stopped at my favorite drive-in for a hamburger and fries, then drove off to a garage to have the mysterious rattle in my 18-year-old station wagon checked out. It was nothing more than something called auto arthritis, I was told.

The simple moral of all of this comes from the genius who first said that the rich are different from the rest of us because they have more money. The only thing we can add to that in today's political climate is that the very, very rich now have friends in congress to protect their need to own a Corniche or two and hire a dwarf. For ego therapy, of course.