Yogi and Scott Walker, a pair of humorists

In a blink, America lost two of its well-known humorists this week. Yogi Berra died at 90.  Scott Walker gave up his presidential bid when his campaign died.

We could all laugh when  Yogi would say profound things like:  "We made too many wrong mistakes."  Or: "Nobody goes there anymore.  It's too crowded."

Or when the sleepy-eyed Walker, the Wisconsin governor, would boast: "If I can take on 100,000 protesters, I can do the same across the world." That was his response to  a question about ISIS, his confidence swollen by his victory over public employes  unions in his state.

Side-splitting.

But he upped and quit.  That recalled an old  Yogi-ism by the baseball Hall of Famer that went: "If you don't 't know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else."

Walker, a deeply religious man who was called from above to run for president , left the scene by  saying he was "called".  That could only mean...

Hilarious?

Yogi once put it this way: "When you come to a fork in the road, take it."

Responding to a question, Walker defended  the idea of a security fence with Canada as a "legitimate"  idea, asking:  "Why are we always talking about the southern border and building a fence there.  We don't talk about the northern border."

Yogi would say, as he once did: "Take it with a grin of salt."

Meantime, we can only wonder about Gov. Kasich's reaction when Walker jumped the ship of fools.   He and Walker, like-minded on most  things,  had coordinated their efforts to kill public employe unions. Walker even was recorded in a telephone call set up by a prankster pretending to be David Koch,  saying that he talked to Kasich "every day", adding :" John's gotta stand firm in Ohio."

Right. Nice try, but  Walker and Buddy Kasich were both scrubbed from the Kochs'   earlier A-list.

And that's not funny. As Yogi would say, and did:  "We were overwhelming underdogs."


Re-posted from Plunderbund

A moment of humor with para-somethings

A Columbus reader added some sunshine to the weekend with a list of paraprosdokians that should find a place in Grumpy's blog.  A list of what?  The strange word describes sentences with odd endings.  We're told that Winston Churchill, among others, was quite fond of them.

For example, Yogi Berra was never without them, as when he said the "the restaurant was so busy that nobody goes there anymore".  Or culled from a long list of Jewish references, "Oy, the food at this restaurant is terrible...and the servings are so small."

From my friend's list I've chosen for now:

(1) If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

(2) In filling out an application, where it says, 'in case of emergency, notify:' ... I put DOCTOR"

(3) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit, wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

(4) Women  will never be the equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy"

These can give you an  idea of how paraprosdokians work.  Henny Youngman left a great legacy of these,  as when he told his audiences that when his wife asked him to take her someplace where she's never been, he took her to the kitchen.

Your turn.

When Democrats reach for their hankies

"It's like deja vu all over again" - Yogi Berra

LIBERAL DEMOCRATS are mournful worriers. The untreatable sense of foreboding by my crowd is a kind of genetic guilt that took hold when the Democratic Party, which was less than progressive, foolishly endorsed George McClellan, a terrible general, against Lincoln in 1864. But things were so bad that even Lincoln, a Republican seeking a second term against the backdrop of the Civil War, didn't think he would be reelected. Since then the prevailing gloom among liberals was that if there was a way to lose an election, Democrats would certainly find it. It's the curse of John McClellan.

Nowadays, although some Dems are putting up a brave front, down deep they just know that Governor Strickland will be a one-term governor because of his dithering over a state budget. They flinch and reach for their moist handkerchiefs when polls show his approval rating in a nosedive. Frankly, I have no idea how that will turn out at the polls next year. The media will be full of dire warnings for Strickland, and will continue to urge him to raise taxes to pay some bills. That, of course, would only serve to increase the despair in his party, particularly among other Democratic candidates on the state ticket who will be forced to toss and turn at press conferences over whether they support tax increases, too.

On the other hand, liberals will be scowling at Republican John Kasich, hanging effigies of him in their basements, and fretting that their party's brief years of glory will be ended regardless of Kasich's ludicrous sing-song pledges to lower taxes. He, after all, was a big-time executive with Lehman Brothers before it tanked and would not be expected to know something worthwhile about the financial system. Sorry, not enough to assuage hanky-twisting liberals that the end is near. They will keep their cell phones turned on should a friend want to report the latest dismal poll. Damn the McClellan curse anyway!

There is even concern with the aforementioned crowd about President Obama, who still has three and half years remaining to define his work before the next election. My friends have been skittish about polls that say Barack has dropped some points but remains around 60 pct. job approval. It is of no consolation among always- nervous Dems that as a married man cavorting with a teenage girl friend, Italy's Silvio Belusconi's approval rating in the polls fell only two points. Boastfully defiant, the Italian president declared: "This is how I am. I am not going to change a thing. If they like me this way, they like me this way." The McClellan factor obviously has not found its way to Rome.

I quickly recall that during the past presidential election campaign, my gang was standing

on tall ladders looking ahead to the next poll and fully expecting defeat. John McCain and the national media mentioned more than once that the Republican was closing the gap. On the other hand McCain was cool and confident that nature, and even the Supreme Court, if necessary, would again favor the GOP.

Republicans, particularly conservatives, aren't like that at all. Guys like William Kristol, the Neocons' foster parent, grin their way through another Fox hour full of certainty that in the end, America is a just nation and will do what's extreme right. Even now, Kristol is finding ways to justify another national campaign for Sarah Palin.

It would have been different if Lincoln had been a Democrat.