Franklin Graham: Today's sermon against Obama

AS I CONTINUE TO collect the fragments from today's heated political spectacle, hysterical right-wing males continue to dominate the narrative of my potential next book that will be called "He said what?!?"

On MSNBC's "Morning Joe" show, crusading evangelist Franklin Graham would not flatly acknowledge that President Obama was a Christian. (Why am I writing this in 2012?) Graham said he doesn't know whether Obama has "accepted Jesus Christ" while adding something about Obama's Muslim father. As the startled panelists on the show stirred in disbelief, Graham said he was concerned that the president was more interested in looking after the welfare of Muslims than "Christians who are being murdered in Muslim countries." Subtle, huh?

Graham, the hyper-son of Billy Graham, has often spewed his religious doctrine but there was something well off the page in this morning's interview. He said he did know that Santorum was a Christian but wondered about Mitt Romney's Mormon faith as a downer. Still, whether it's Graham or Santorum and the other defenders of the faith, apocalyptic religious conservatism has taken control of portentous words and deeds.

Meanwhile, having failed in their efforts to poke around in America's bedrooms, the panting outriders in state legislatures are now focussing on something much more more specific: vaginal exploration.

In Virginia, for example, where vaginas commonly abound, the lawmakers - some of whom, it would be fair to assume, can testify to the efficacy of Viagra - are ready to declare victory over women's rights to privacy. As a companion to pending "personhood" anti-abortion legislation, the legislature is showing off its empowered masculinity. It is poised to pass an ultrasound law that mandates an often painful transvaginal probe before any abortion.

Yesterday a thousand protestors lined up in studied silence at the statehouse to express their dissent as the lawmakers headed to their sanctified offices inside.

I have a better idea to get these vaginal meddlers' undivided attention. It is Aristophanes' comedy, Lysistrata, in which the young Athenian woman assembled others from across Greece to deny their husbands sexual pleasure until their guys ended the Peloponnesian wars. Man, Viagra or no Viagra, it worked!

In today's religio-patriarchal climate, women need only to issue a warning that if you don't stop messing around with my body, you can sleep in another room. Then let nature take its course.

Ohio lawmaker: the Photo ID of Viagra man

OK, FOLKS, what we have here is still one more apologetic penitent who was arrested back in April while he was on a toot in Indiana. In his other life he is State Rep. Robert Mecklenborg, a Cincinnati area Republican who is a sponsor of the Photo ID bill that, it says here, would be a firewall against voter fraud in Ohio. But on the night of his arrest by an Indiana state trooper, according to a report by Talking Points Memo, the family values-conscious pol (wife, three kids, Zorba's "whole catastrophe") was charged with drunk driving after failing three field sobriety tests.

There's more. The cops noted that he had a 26-year-old woman in the car and it wasn't because her car broke down and she needed a ride. She reportedly had emerged from a nearby strip club. He had Viagra in the car and , a later test revealed, in his system.

Remorseful, Mecklenborg did what these guys always do on cue.. He apologized and said he had caused "great hurt" to his family as well as his loyal constituents. But maybe we should forgive him. With or without Viagra, he is merely intent, in his oddly noble way, on protecting the public interest from the handful of slippery folks who try to vote twice in an election.

However, if he succeeds in that mission, , do you think the above photo will show up on his own ID card?

In praise of concealed weapons, fa-la-la-la-la.

DURING THE HOLIDAY season, we should all be singing the praise of State Rep. Danny R. Bubp (sic), a Republican pol from West Union , Oh. (It's not that far from Kentucky and just a short mule ride to Blue Creek , if that helps). Offering his voice to humanitarian needs, Bubp believes Buckeye citizens should be able to carry concealed weapons into saloons and restaurants that, you know, serve hard likker, even without the careful watch of Sheriff Andy Griffith or Barney Fife. He's busily seeking support from his colleagues to vote it into law. Shouldn't we all feel better that a considerate state lawmaker has the state's greatest needs in mind in these days of economic stress?

Speaking of holiday compassion, Summit Country Republican Chairman Alex Arshinkoff was quoted in the Beacon Journal's story about his Democratic counterpart Wayne Jones' struggle with Parkinson's disease. "I wish him a speedy recovery," Arshinkoff said. "That's a terrible disease. I wouldn't wish it on a dog." That wasn't quite as ill-mannered as some of the things that Alex has snorted about Jones in the past, but should he have also victimized man's best friend in a matter in which friendship between the chairmen never existed?

The latest litmus test for congressmen descending on Capitol Hill in January is said to be, Is he or she Tea Party compatible? Is that like high-definition compatibility for your TV set? Or a toxic conflict between prescriptions that could kill you, as the ads constantly remind us about

Viagra and such. Could we wire up a senator for a 30-day trial period to determine a compatibility comfort zone with a full money-back guarantee if the subject fails to satisfy Tea Party standards?