Kasich: Awaiting big bad Federal help

MY LATE REPUBLICAN father-in-law and friend used to complain that "figures don't lie, but liars do figure." You have to wonder about whether we've made any progress in figuring out some politicians' figures when you read the Plain Dealer report on how Gov. Kasich arrived at such a lean and rose-colored budget to pay off an $8.5 billion deficit.

I won't attempt to describe his sleight-of-handiwork, whose numbers are as defiant as the solution to pi. Check out the article for yourself and let me know what I'm missing in the proposal of optimistic assumptions, guesswork, hacking, suppositions and downright voodoo.

The story above the article may explain a little about how he wants to begin to connect the budget dots: His hopes of getting relief from the much-hated Feds, who have huge deficits of their own. The guv is counting on the very same Big Brother whom he's condemned to now relieve the state of $193 million in interest on Federal loans. Indeed he's stitched it into his baggage as he gropes to the mysterious light at the end of his tunnel.

Do you remember what Kasich said when he he proudly announced his purported success in balancing the budget? He said something about accomplishing the task "without smoke and mirrors". But he should have added a third element: a forgiving Uncle Sam. The hard work has yet to begin, folks.

What did you learn in fourth grade?

HAVE YOU HEARD about the controversy in cash-strapped Utah over a proposal to shrink the number of grades in the school year? Faced with solving a $700 million budget gap, a Republican state senator, Chris Buttars, wants to eliminate 12th grade. He says it could save the state about $60 million. Although that would still leave a deficit of $640 million, there would be 11 other grades that would be available if the lawmakers can't come up with the money elsewhere.

Although I seldom agree with dippy proposals from the Republican Right, I think Buttars, in his own strange way, may be on to something by making education the scapegoat of budgetary problems. But I wouldn't begin with cutting out the 12th grade. By that time high school athletes are well on their way to considering a letter of intent for Ohio State or Texas, and

the parents of others have already taken out a second mortgage on their house to pay for their kids' college education. No, the absence of 12th grade would be too disruptive in so many ways.

I will probably get an argument over this, but I would eliminate fourth grade instead. By then, a student would have been introduced to the rudiments of the 3 R's that could be repeated with a refresher course in 5th grade. Fourth graders are too young to engage in blood sports and too small to lug around a tuba in the school band. There is, in fact, very little for any student to do except to wait around for 5th grade. In my case, it gave my father more time to talk me out of going to college as the alternative to selling used cars.

You may have other ideas, but let me ask you this: How many of you remember a damn thing that you learned in fourth grade? See, what did I tell you?

Will you at least give my suggestion some thought and get back to me? UTAH IS WAITING.

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