A columnist for the Orange County (Ca.) Register has plunged into the annual December best-worst mix by listing 2013's ten most annoying celebrities.
Although the idea was a modest diversion to relieve the holiday stress, Barry Koltnow lost me in his top 10 selections because nine were Kardashians, a name I haven't yet been able to associate with any life forms. Kardashian is more of brand name, don't you think?
Miley Cyrus (sp.) topped the list. I should admit that it took me weeks to discover it was a girl's name. As you can see, I've been away from pop culture longer than the Browns' last playoff appearance.
Anyway, if Koltnow can produce a list of human annoyances, so can I, minus the Kardashians. Please try to stay with me on this. The columnist gets paid. I don't.
1.Sarah Palin: She's now considering running for senator in Alaska, having chirped from a hot vice-presidential soccer mom, to a silly public figure who seems to be skittering around with an overactive bladder.
2. Ted Cruz: Just when we believed that Rick Perry was a bad joke in the traditional Texas slot on the presidential ballot, Cruz turned up, full of sound and fury signifying nothing. Hollywood talent scouts are said to be looking for a B-actor who looks like Joe McCarthy to play Cruz in a film.
3. Donald Trump: Maybe more of a nuisance than an annoyance after a mid-life crisis. He's still spending dough in a hunt for the 3,000-year old man in Kenya with Barack Obama's DNA.
4. The Rev. Pat Robertson: OK, why does he have to keep telling us that gays and lesbians were never intended to inherit the earth while warning people never to allow a lesbian in our home because the kids will grow up abominably the same.
5. John McCain: Not because he's a Republican or whatever but because he's so erratic about so many matters that he is now proposing to kill Obamacare even after the House has failed to do so 46 times.
6. Ohio Atty. Gen. Mike DeWine: The state's very own Man of LaMancha who confuses his role as our top legal officer with that of a church busybody in fighting same-sex marriage. C'mon, Man. Sooner or later, for all of your annoying efforts you're going to lose. So don't bother.
7. Michele Bachmann: She's less an annoyance than a moron when she screams that Obamacare will kill all signs of life on earth. You know, women, children, bees, whales, the Minnesota Twins ad nauseam.
8. Ohio Rep. John Becker: A freshman lawmaker from Clermont County, where Tea Partyers have a commanding presence. The simplest way to explain Becker is to say that he's against everything. Even called for the impeachment of a federal judge who recognized the marriage of a gay couple. He promises to be the leading court jester in the General Assembly in 2014 with plenty of competition.
9. Mark Kvamme: The former JobsOhio biggie, accused by ProgressOhio of profiting $9 million from the cozy deal for a $50 million investment by Ohio State University.
Ordinary checkbook balancers, including me, simply aren't clever nor bold enough to understand the fine print in such transactions, but we are more than annoyed by them.
10. Gov. Kasich: No single reason that he annoys us other than the pale jobs numbers in Ohio defy his exuberant promise of an "Ohio miracle".
Sorry, Kardashians, whoever you are!