Tuesday, December 31, 2013

2013-2014: No beginning, middle nor end.

The year 2013 ended much as it began, with President Obama's clawing enemies digging in to nulllify his second term,  Tea Party and Bible-waving politicians stomping on the poor  - and the Cleveland Browns laboring for a new coach du jour .

Any thought that the loonies had exhausted  their absurdities in the earlier campaign to defeat Obama  at the polls has been painfully countered by the same absurdities throughout the year. Having foolishly held out  hope that American politics would find its way to grasp a common search for progress was demolished by the same ideological intrusions that led to a government shutdown.

And any thought that Rep. Louie Gohmert, once an unchallenged court jester, would remain the whackiest guy on Capitol Hill,  also frayed as other rubes  rose to stand shoulder to shoulder with him at the rear of the class.

There was the let-'em-eat-stale biscuits  group that  scorned unemployment insurance and food stamps as impure entitlements that are shunned in the New Testament.   Rep. Stephen Fincher of Tennessee elbowed into  his Book of Thessalonians to Biblically "reveal"  that if you want food to stave off starvation, it must be earned.

 Along came Rep. Jack Kingston , a Georgia Republican,  who wants hungry kids  to scrub floors or pay a dime before they are handed food in order to teach them that  (with the exception of lobbyist-chaperoned congressmen to the table ) there are no free lunches.

Unsurprisingly these Capitol Hill faux missionaries  didn't read the part in their Bibles about Jesus providing fishes and loaves to up to 5,000 people.

In the face-off between military and  social needs, the popular term to divide them was once known as "guns and butter" in the face-off today between social needs and  privately owned weapons.  Butter is seldom mentioned by the gun lobby.  So it's guns or bigger guns today. And will remain that way throughout 2014.

2013 also was the year of S-E-X, medieval,   explicitly spoken, peek-a-boo or officially curious about  female genitals.  For some  of the fogies who attacked abortions in TV commercials, it was a way of satisfying  their own moribund appetites like the school kids in my old neighborhood who giggled at the naughty pictures in big-little books. In Columbus, the down-state Republican  hoofbeaters   pressed for a "heartbeat"  bill in their crusade against abortion.

Gays were lumped with ax murderers, abominably so.  Rep.  John Becker,  a Clermont County Republican, continued to entertain his chorus by calling  for the impeachment of a Federal judge who recognized gay marriage on a death certificate. And no amateur at recognizing political opportunity, Gov. Kasich closed the circle by appointing the head of Ohio Right to Life to the State Medical Board.

Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann and Ted Cruz continued to disturb the peace and there are no signs they will head back to their caves in 2014.

And who can ignore Donald Trump's continuing adventure in terra incognito?   It would not surprise me to learn that he is spending most of his time in Kenya these days to dig up a 3,000- year- old  human carcass with Obama's DNA. 

The new year will weigh heavily upon us with the madness of mid-term elections. There's little hope that there will be improvement in air-quality standards. Sorry, there's no way you can ring out the old. (It's even possible that as I write this the Browns will have already hired and fired two coaches.)

I have a simple suggestion:  To the barricades!!!  


Monday, December 30, 2013

Surprise: Browns fire another coach

Well, the Browns' front office has gone and done it again. On cue, it fired its coach, Rob Chudzinski, just as we learned to spell his name.  And so the high command once again displayed its uncommon expertise in running an employment office for seasonal temps.  The announcement that Chud was gone arrived within  minutes after the  team ended another undistinguished season by getting thumped by the Pittsburgh Steelers.

I should remind you  that I am a  native of Western Pennsylvania and a rabid Steelers fan.  But in the end I was feeling a tad sorry for the Browns  fans after the players walked from the field Sunday, easily defeated by what appeared to be a bored Pittsburgh team.

But Chud's departure was foreordained when he was hired. You need only look at the record of comings and goings of coaches and quarterbacks to understand this alleged pro football franchise  that is perennially at its worst. In contrast, the Steelers under the seamless guidance of the Rooney family, have had no more  than three  coaches in 44 years. And there was something to be learned from their  tolerance of a losing season.  When Chuck Noll arrived in 1969, his team baptized the  new coach with a 1-13 record.  After that, Noll went on to coach four Super Bowl  victories.  

When Chud entered the dismal scene, the Beacon Journal reported "he's eager to bring excitement back to the lakefront". Didn't happen.  Nor will it next year as the Browns hunt for a replacement by a wary successor  who shouldn't count on buying a  house in Cleveland.  They may be forced to check out the mentor of a boarding school's intermural team.

When will the neckties who dwell on awful decisions ever learn? .  Until somebody can prove me wrong, never.  It recalls the moment when a fellow spotted a miserable guy bouncing his head against a wall.  "If it is so painful, why do you do it?"  the witness asked..

The reply: "It feels so good when I stop."

The Browns' deep thinkers aren't close to stopping.

Friday, December 27, 2013

For Summit GOP, three is worse than a crowd

Anyone who doubts that bad news occurs in threes might take a look at the fate of the Summit County Republican Party in recent weeks as 2013 limped through its final  days.

In quick succession, three of Chairman Alex Arshinkoff's few remaining groomed stalwarts plunged  from the party's honor role in unexpected defeat, resignation or a severe spanking by the Sixth Circuit  Court of Appeals.

Shall we begin on election day in November when Cuyahoga Falls Mayor Don
Robart, in his 28th year at City Hall and virtually having his own way in his Cuyahoga Falls fortress for nearly three decades, was defeated by City Council President Don Walters, a Democrat,  denying Robart  an  eighth term?

Four years earlier, Robart was unopposed by Democrats, which doubtless led to complacency  this time in which he was said by startled  allies to have all but abandoned campaigning, content with the endorsements of the Beacon Journal and the Cuyahoga Falls News-Press  and his own notion of invincibility.

But  in a working class suburb that leans Democratic  and has twice opted for President Obama at the polls, he hadn't left well enough alone.  He charged out of the gate in a state of the city address by describing the anti-union SB 5 on the ballot "unbelievably good".  There was some disagreement by the voters who defeated it  by more than 60 pct. of the vote.  The mayor slid farther to right by welcoming the Tea Party  rally in his town with  overwhelming praise, telling the Teepers that they were the "social, fiscal and moral conscious of America."

Finally, he became the center of attraction in opposing a family rate at the Natatorium for a wounded Iraqi veteran , a spouse in a same sex- marriage, arguing that it would be too costly. Huh?

All of these missteps  finally caught up with him to send him into overdue retirement.

Next is the saga of Arshinkoff favorite Bryan Williams, a member of  the State Education Board, who was outed as a determined  lobbyist for an anti-union construction group running a private charter school. Soon thereafter, including a call from Grumpy Abe that he resign, Williams resigned.

Finally,  there's the most recent  lashing of Federal Judge John Adams , another Arshinkoff career enabler, by a three-judge panel of the Sixth Circuit  Court of Appeals for his presiding role in a case involving a public defender. (Adams also was  engaged in a long delay of a Akron 's sewer plan, costing the city a fortune.).

Had any of these fellows been Democrats, we feel sure that the voluble chairman would have labeled them "scandals of Biblical proportion".  But. alas,  they are Republicans, which is the party's problems, not of anybody on the other side.






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Saturday, December 21, 2013

Kasich decides to push up Ohio's image

Stopped by Victoria's Secret at the mall today.  No, not as a voyeur, for heaven's sake.  Rather,  I was curious about Gov. Kasich's Ohio Miracle 2 to make Ohio sexier to the world.

Sexier not my word.  It appeared in newspaper headlines, as in Sexier image sought for Ohio,  so it must be true.  As sort of a pun, it drew from the announcement that Gov. Kasich  had engaged his friend,  billionaire Les Wexner, whose retail empire includes Victoria's Secret and Bath & Body Works, to make the two "O's"  in Ohio stand for...um... Oomph!


Not that it isn't needed.  Except for the governor's publicists intent on energizing his re -election campaign, the news from Ohio has been pretty drab - and getting worse. Where else to turn than to Wexner, whom the governor rightly describes as a "brilliant marketer, " and the hundreds of Victoria's Secret stores that feature, amid other pruriant underwear, push-
up bras?

(A radio host once reported that he visited a Victoria's Secret store  to satisfy his curiosity but could only  report there were very few secrets stashed in the fetching merchandise.)

The new marketing plan also is a natural for the Kasich Administration, known for its secrecy long before any of the Statehouse females came to work in push-ups.

That could change big-time,  economically at least, for a state that has slumpe into a  flat-chested image.  As John Boehner recently responded to a reporter's question, "We'll see."

Meantime, we eagerly await the posting of the governor's fully clothed  picture in all of the Wexner stores. It wasn't there today. But I must confess that my visit  wasn't totally wasted.

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Thursday, December 19, 2013

Ten more authentic reasons to be annoyed

A columnist for the Orange County (Ca.) Register has plunged into the annual December  best-worst mix by listing 2013's ten most annoying celebrities.

Although the idea was  a modest diversion to relieve the holiday stress, Barry Koltnow lost me in his top 10 selections because nine were Kardashians, a name I haven't yet been able to associate with  any life forms.   Kardashian is more of brand name, don't you think?

Miley Cyrus (sp.) topped the list.  I should admit that it took me weeks to discover it   was a girl's name.   As you can see, I've been away from pop culture longer than the Browns' last playoff appearance.

Anyway, if Koltnow can produce  a list of human annoyances, so can I, minus the Kardashians.  Please try to stay with me on this.  The columnist gets  paid. I don't.

1.Sarah Palin: She's now considering running for senator in Alaska, having chirped from a hot vice-presidential  soccer mom, to a silly public figure who seems to be skittering around with an overactive bladder.

2. Ted Cruz:  Just when we believed  that Rick Perry was a bad joke  in the traditional Texas slot on the presidential ballot, Cruz turned up, full of sound and fury signifying nothing.  Hollywood talent scouts are said to be looking  for a B-actor who looks like Joe McCarthy to play Cruz in a film.

3. Donald Trump: Maybe more of a nuisance than an annoyance after a mid-life crisis.    He's still spending dough in a hunt for the 3,000-year old man in Kenya with Barack Obama's DNA.

  4. The Rev. Pat Robertson:  OK, why does he have to keep telling us that gays and lesbians were never intended to inherit the earth while warning people never to allow a lesbian in our  home because the kids will grow up  abominably the same.

 5. John McCain: Not because he's a Republican or whatever but because he's so erratic about so many matters that he is now  proposing to kill Obamacare even after the House has failed to do so 46 times.

6. Ohio Atty. Gen. Mike DeWine: The state's very own Man of LaMancha who confuses his role as our top legal officer with that of a church busybody in fighting same-sex marriage. C'mon, Man.  Sooner or later, for all of your annoying efforts you're going to lose.  So don't bother.

7. Michele Bachmann:  She's  less an annoyance than a moron when she  screams that Obamacare will kill all signs of life on earth.  You know, women, children, bees, whales, the Minnesota Twins ad nauseam.

8. Ohio Rep. John Becker:  A freshman lawmaker from Clermont County, where Tea Partyers have a commanding presence.  The simplest way to explain Becker is to say that he's against everything.  Even called for the impeachment of a  federal judge who recognized the marriage of a gay couple.  He promises to be the leading court jester in the General Assembly in 2014 with plenty of competition.

9. Mark Kvamme: The former JobsOhio biggie,  accused by ProgressOhio of profiting $9 million from the cozy deal for a $50 million investment by Ohio State University.
Ordinary checkbook balancers, including me, simply aren't clever nor bold enough to  understand the fine print in such transactions, but we are more than annoyed by them.

10. Gov. Kasich: No single reason that he annoys us other than the pale jobs numbers in Ohio defy his exuberant promise of an "Ohio miracle".

Sorry, Kardashians, whoever you are!

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

My favorite 4-letter word


Season's greetings from un-Grumpy...

Monday, December 16, 2013

Should Santa be drinking Diet Coke?

As we all know, 'tis the season of good cheer. So I want to talk to you about Santa Claus.

Let me begin by telling you that this charming mythical spirit of giving has been around longer than Fox's Megyn Kelly.  Megyn, who happens to be blonde and beardless with color-coordinated white skin as further stark evidence of her bona fides, bestirred the Santa Claus universe by insisting that he is...um...white. Contrary to much of Fox's  credentialed  hysteria these days, white, brown , middlin' has never been much of a problem for the rest of us. In fact, as a child, I forever wondered  why the rotund old guy's face,  given his mission, wasn't smudged with soot.

Megyn,  for more than one reason, deserved not only a ho-ho-ho but a Grumpy hurrummphhh!!!.

The jovial rosy-cheeked and white-bearded icon was around long before Megyn got to know him and will remain that way long after  she is exhausted by her protests that she is not, by God,  a  racist, Fox or no Fox!

Indeed, the Coca-Cola Santa that we all know and usually love was introduced in 1931 to assure us that the soda was the "pause that refreshes".  It has remained so ever since to become familiar to every sane person who has come to know him. The artist was Haddon Sundblom, who was hired for this advertising task and created many others of his jolly countenance.  (We show his first one of Santa.)

But about Santa's obesity.  It does occur to me that perhaps a skinny Coca-Cola Santa could be more appropriate in the company's pitches for, say...,Diet Coke. I mean, such a healthful initiative (except for maybe Rush Limbaugh, the GOP's big white whale),  has some potential as a contemporary ad, wouldn't you think? As the saying goes, we report, you decide.

Ho-ho-ho.





 


Sunday, December 15, 2013

Is Jim Tressel's academic career on the goal line?

   Former OSU football coach Jim Tressel moved deeply into the red zone last week when the University of Akron board of trustees awarded  him a new title:  executive vice president. It is his third title since his arrival in 2011 as vice president of strategic engagement and later as the veep for student success.

The board's action spurred further speculation that his next title will  put him in the end zone:  president.

Not all of the speculation has met with  bravissimos in some faculty quarters,  where there are untidy questions about his lack of the doctorate so prized in academe for any  rise to the top administrative chair. 

Such talk among faculty and the school's boosters has been the subtext of his whirlwind career path since the school's president,  Luis Proenza, announced he was heading out in June from the position he's held for 15 years to engage in a  one-year sabbatical.  That would be followed by his return to the campus as a full time professor and president emeritus.

Since settling on the downtown campus, Tressel has been treated as a celebrity while busily engaged in motivational work with students as well as poetry reading to a UA creative-writing session and speaking at a Program Learn fund-raiser where attendees could get an autographed copy of his book,  The Winner's Manual.  

He's also considered to be an excellent fund-raiser at a time when the school is trying to find a way out of deep debt and a declining graduation rate.  With those elements in the equation, it might be reasonably asked how much is  a doctorate really worth in today's academic marketplace?   

Meantime, everyone directly involved in Tressel's future has been  quite guarded about his next move.  They have politely spun around media questions about his future,  particularly now that the formal search for Proenza's successor has begun.   But several sources  close to the scene have told me:  "It's a done deal."

Following this week's board meeting, the Beacon Journal noted that  Tressel "sidestepped" a question about his interest in the job.  Reporter Carol Biliczky quoted him as saying, "I think in fairness I'm interested in whatever role it is that our leadership wants of me".

Beyond that, the play calling remains in the brass'  huddle.  But when you are this close to the goal line it would certainly sound foolish to call for a Hail Mary.

(Re-posted from Plunderbund)




Thursday, December 12, 2013

The Little Flower: still current today

With  all of the starchy resistance by Republicans to extension of unemployment benefits,  I ran across this heartfelt blast  from Fiorella LaGuardia during the Depression as quoted in Arthur Mann's  lively portrait, La Guardia A Fighter against his times (1959).  Reacting in 1931 to President Hoover's opposition to government assistance, the Little Flower  boomed (as only he could): :

"Dole! Dole! Dole! ...That is all that one hears at every discussion of an unemployment insurance plan...What is there so novel and radical about it?'

 He added that if Americans can insure themselves against fire,  theft,  assault, hurricanes, death and the like, then why shouldn't they, like every advanced country in Europe, insure themselves against the hazards of industry?

"The needy," he said, "are not interested in words.  They want food, clothing and shelter."

Anybody want to argue with that?

Portman explains minimum wage to fast food worker

Imagine, if you can, that you are a fast-food worker catching sight of  Ohio Sen. Rob. Portman heading to an upscale restaurant  down the street.

"Senator," you call out.  "I need to talk to you."

Portman, always looking divinely benign, stops for a moment while you catch up.

"Senator," you say in an out-of-breath sort of way,"I really need your help. I have to hold three jobs on my minimum wage and I have a wife and two small children.  Can I count on you to support in increase in the minimum.?"

Looking divinely benign, the senator smiles, taps you on the shoulder and begins to explain  his reason for opposing an increase.

"My friend," he says knowingly in a trickle-down tone, which is how they like to open conversations with potential voters, "I can only tell you that I'm working to do what's best for you and our nation in the long term."

He then draws a cue sheet from his pocket, freshly prepared by the Club for Growth, and reads:
"The minimum wage mostly relates to young people. The best way to get the economy going again is by reforming  our complex, outdated tax code, making the tough choices needed to prevent  the record federal debt from smothering our eonomic growth and job creation and lifting the regulatory burdens that small businesses say are the single greatest threat from Washington today."
By now your eyes have glazed over as you try to decode the scholarly words  of  George W. Bush's former  budget director.  Bush, who left his successor with no budgetary drive-by.

You turn away in a daze. You hear the senator call to you:

"Hope that helps you connect the dots.  And I wish you and yours a very merry Christmas."

The senator, no longer dIvinely benign, is last seen rushing into the restaurant in hopes that his reservations were not cancelled by the delay from your ignorance of economic absolutes.

Update: Being a VIP, he got a nice table  anyway and ate well.   Not a tough choice for the maitre d'...