Stop the presses, Kellen gone

THE PLAIN DEALER that landed on my breakfast table Saturday morning  carried a story and photograph on the front page that were big enough to be reserved for notions  that the economy had rebounded, the temperature in Northern Ohio would rise  to the 80s by mid-day and our involvement in far-flung wars would end within 24 hours.   Unfortunately, it was none of those magical events.  Instead, we were asked to read at great length that a mere football player who had contributed so little to the Cleveland Browns had been traded.  Side by side with a long text by sportswriter Terry Pluto,  who laboriously reassured us the team had to make the deal,  was an enormous photo of the underachieving outcast, Kellen Winslow.  Even to the sports fan that I've been known to be, it was a much larger epic than I needed to restore my confidence in the front-page "news" part of newspapers.  Kellen Winslow. after all, was no Jim Brown or Otto Graham.  

Skipping to the sports page to find some traditional news - even a lost-dog story, always a best-seller - I encountered another  oversized photo of Kellen separating two full length columns by usually perceptive sportswriters dissecting the philosophical and pragmatic  overtones of the trade.  (In return the Browns got a couple of lower inconsequential draft picks - I don't remember offhand the rounds .)  

What's going on here?  It's a good thing this didn't happen on the day of President Obama's inauguration or the PD would have been challenged by a critical decision:  Obama arriving,  or Winslow departing?  You know as well as I do how it would have been finally resolved.  Jeez. 

Bachmann: Minnesota Splats...

HERE WE MUST GO for another GALL (Grumpy Abe Linguistic Lunacy) Award to...the envelope,  please...Rep. Michele Bachmann, , Minnesota Republican, already a multiple winner after complaining that America is "running out of rich people."    Her latest contribution to the GALL archive occurred at the Conservative Political Action Conference under way in Washington.  After Michael Steele, the new African American chairman of the Republican National Committee, ended his speech to the conferees, Bachmann, who is oh- so-white,  couldn't control her enthusiasm, nor what little thought processes that trouble her brain, exclaiming to Steele:

     

                                  "You be da man!  You be da man!"

The nasty politics of blame

GRUMPY THOUGHTS:

     A couple of friends attended one of Warner Mendenhall's neighborhood attack-fests this week  to learn more about the Akron lawyer's historically ceaseless effort to unhinge Akron Mayor Don Plusquellic,  the city's longest serving chief executive  - summarily kick him out of City Hall - to cap a personal vendetta that may have started long before a teenage Plusquellic became known as a high school football star.  Who knows, as the Shadow often asked, what evil lurks in the hearts  of men?  My friends were not impressed with what they heard, largely warmed over charges from earlier assaults by Mendenhall and his pestiferous crony, Robert Smith.  But folks, this is no longer a parlor game.  With a requirement of no more than 3,000 signatures on the recall petitions, this gang of political  outriders shouldn't be taken lightly.  Whether one is a  Plusquellic loyalist or has been offended by him for one thing or another,  be aware that this is no time to be uprooting an administration that has far more pluses than minuses - including Plusquellic's own national standing with the White House and other urban mayors.  (Most recently he was honored by Tufts University for his leadership qualities, a citation that apparently fell through a huge crack in the recallers' facade.)  For any foe to attempt this disruption at a time   when urban  survival should be on everybody's minds these days tells me that the perps are more interested in settling their own grievances rather than serving the welfare of their city.  The actual economic costs in paying for an election as well as the distractions to an administration otherwise committed to improving the city should be more than anyone would be willing to pay.   Fair warning. 

      Considering all of the yelping from the churlish Republican losers about President Obama's stimulus plan, including the drone from Bobby Jindal, it seems to me that the  GOP is shouting FIRE in an empty theatre. 

      As long as I'v e  turned up Jindal, I should mention that the good Rush Limbaugh, the rotund one-man emergency squad,  has salvaged Bobby  god-like from oblivion as the GOP crashed more deeply into Sarah Palin's  Alaskan permafrost.  Rush blamed the media for Sarah's demise.  But now he is hysterically blaming liberals and conservatives for Jindal's bad opening night reviews.  The Louisiana governor, Limbaugh argued, is saying all the right things to lead the conservatives' core values back into the first tier of positive thinking.  Let's all hope that Katrina 2 doesn't occur.  But if it does, they'll need more than Jindal's core values to sustain the dikes.  

       Thanks to the Columbus Dispatch,  I learned Thursday  (in an E-mail from a former Columbus journalist)  that the Democratic field for George Voinovich's senate seat has expanded to three, which, of course,  now qualifies as a valid crowd. The latest entry is State Rep. Tyrone Yates, former vice-mayor of Cincinnati, and ex-Ohio Asst.  Attorney General.  A four-termer in the Ohio House, Yates joins Secretary of State Jennifer  Brunner and Lt. Gov. Lee Fisher in the rush to head to Washington.  But wait:  the Dispatch also noted that a possible fourth candidate, Hamilton County Commissioner Todd Portune,  may also join the group.   When the number grows to nine or 10 in the Democratic primary, the race may have to be outsourced  to the Indy 500.   The only Republican to announce so far is Rob Portman, also of Cincinnati.  

         Does anybody wonder  about the whereabouts of John Widowfield, the unfortunate Republican state representative  who lost his job when he tried to cash in on the sale of Ohio State football tickets on eBay?  Probably not, but I'll tell you anyway.  He is working the overnight shift (midnight to something or other) at the Akron Municipal  Clerk of Courts office for about $28,0o0 a year.   At least he has a job, which is not what you can say about more and more people these days.  

UPDATE: Joe Hallett, of the Columbus Dispatch, which is nicely keeping busy taking attendance these days, now reports that the Democratic gold rush for George Voinovich's  U.S. Senate seat could expand again with the possible addition of two wannabes  from the Cleveland area:  Cuyahoga County commissioner Peter Lawson Jones and Chris Celeste, son of former Ohio Gov. Dick Celeste.  Both are said to be thinking about it.   That would make it six on the Democratic side and -Yikes! - it's only February, 2009.  Rob Portman, the lone Republican to announce for the job, must be feeling quite lonely these days.   

Great programming, no media

IF YOU WERE in the large audience at E.J. Thomas Hall Tuesday night to witness the  program of violinist Hilary Hahn, you might agree with me that it was a remarkable performance by the soloist as well as her powerful piano accompanist, Valentina Lisitsa.   Hahn offered works by Ysaye, Ives, Brahms and Bartok with such firm command of  her instrument - such brilliance and virtuosity! - that it immediately became clear that it would be a very special evening.

It was her second appearance with Tuesday Musical  after a 10-year hiatus.  The first time, as a teenager, she was the  Clara Knight (mother of John S. Knight) artist of Tuesday Musical, an organization that has been offering the very best in classical music programming since its founding more than a century ago.     Since her first visit to  Akron,  Hahn  has risen to the world stage of the great orchestras.  Her  musicianship was honored with the Gramophone Artist of the Year Grammy of 2008. 

Such credentials should have been  enough to draw the attention of  a curious local newspaper. It didn't.  Unfortunately, the playing field for the arts in the Akron area was again shortened. Hard times in the newspaper world or not, it is an  unconscionable lack of respect for a significant quality of the city's  cultural life.  

GOP: A party in need of a party

ALTHOUGH THE national polls told us that President Obama's first address to the joint session of congress  was a grand slam, one needed only to look last night at the Republican faces on the cadaverous side of the aisle to see how those who now represent the  other 30 pct. were living these days. The party's leaders, Sen. Mitch  McConnell and Rep. John Boehner, were gloweringly  stone-faced. And Sen. McCain, who wants to be the GOP's pater familias,  offered us nothing more than a fleeting simpering smile.  On windy days, there is more action on the sculpted  faces of Mt. Rushmore.  

As Mike Maslansky, the CEO of a conservative research group, said:  "The Democrats loved almost everything Obama had to say.  The Republicans hated almost everything that Obama had to say." Sorry, guys and gals on the Hill:  Obama may be around longer than some of you who face reelection in 2010.  So get on the bus and lend a new idea, if possible.

To make matters worse, Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal, the Republicans' latest heart throb to fill the vacuum left by Sarah Palin, laid a dinosaur egg in his response to Obama.  Democrats probably didn't regard it important enough to seriously evaluate it,  but conservative analysts were clearly troubled by the emptiness of Jindal's message. David Brooks grumbled, "I thought it (Jindal's speech) was poorly drafted  - but to come up at this point in history with a stale 'government is the problem...we can't trust government'...It's just a disaster for the Republican Party.  The country is in a  panic now."  Brooks said Jindal laid out a plan that was "a form of nihilism" and added that the current direction of the Republican Party toward a deeper ideological trench was "insane."  

There's more:  Brit Hume, the Fox News guru-emeritus, lamented that it was not "Jindal's greatest oratorical moment."    Others referred to Jindal's remarks as "simplistic"...."almost childish." Who is in charge of the GOP's central casting office anyway?  

Meanwhile, back on the Hill, McCain has accused the Republican National Committee of choosing a song for a presidential campaign ad, without his knowledge,  that is now in court for copyright infringement. And there are reprisals being mentioned by a  prominent member of the Bush family  against Florida Republican Gov. Charlie Crist for aupporting the stimulus. And Sen. Jim Bunning, the Kentucky Republican who has been in trouble before, is threatening to sue the Republican National Committee, accusing it of trying to recruit another candidate to oppose Bunning in the primary.  Sen. John Cornyn , Texas Republican and chairman of the RNC's Senatorial Committee, denies it.  But listen to Bunning: "I don't believe anything that Cornyn says." 

Might it be time for the Republican Party to declare bankruptcy and start all over again with a whole new cast of characters?  

Sean Penn and Milk crashed the party

IN THE WAKE  of all of the approving exclamation points accorded Sean Penn and the blockbuster movie Milk, I rummaged through some earlier reviews.  Given the subject matter of gay rights, the dramatic fuse was relentlessly in sight. The fateful challenge of  Harvey Milk, the openly gay San Francisco supervisor, to Anita Bryant and her cadre of gay-bashers churned waves of  mixed reaction in conservative quarters and the religious right, the morals police for homosexuality.

There was, for example, conservative movie critic Michael Medved, who has found his own niche audience among the Hollywood-haters.  Medved seemed to struggle with his admiration for the movie.    On one hand, he said it had a "heavy-handed political agenda" but tempered this criticism by conceding that Milk  is a "lovingly crafted film."  

On the other hand, film reviewer Ethan Samuel Rodgers, for a Web  posting called Christian Spotlight on the Movies,  followed the old Falwell line that one can love the sinner but hate the  sin. But  Rodgers opined that  the picture  failed as  a biopic "because  it is biased, overly offensive, and simply untrue to the story of a man's life we may never truly know."  Oh?  I doubt  that many who left the theatre after viewing Milk were not amply aware of the bias and offensive behavior of those who set out to destroy him - and did.  

Such behavior and horrific notions still exist in some quarters today, but let's give the late Harvey Milk (and a   heroic   performance by Sean Penn!)  huge credit for crashing the gay-bashers party and making life a little more civilized for everyone concerned today.  God knows, we need it.  

D Light is not a beer label.

AHEM.   THE ANGER on the daffy side of the Republican spectrum is leading me through a maze of newly-coined terms to refer to those Republicans deemed to be soft-headed about political moderation.  It wasn't that long ago that Michelle Malkin, an entry-level political theorist on the right, was hyperventilating with a special label for Republicans who might  agree with President Obama on such squishy matters about whether the earth orbits the sun, or whether a week was actually divided into seven days.  Ms. Malkin  referred to such impure conservatives as Bend Over Republicans.  One should not rush into the obvious  connotations.   

Now comes a fellow named George T. Bush, the son of Jeb Bush  - get used to it, folks, there's no end to the Bush family's domestic livestock  - who is threatening Florida's popular Republican  Gov. Charlie Crist for supporting Obama's stimulus package.   George T. hisses that Crist is D Light.   Although it hints at the code name for some  CIA operation, it means nothing more sinister than Democrat Light.  Such playful  trivia  might be useful for a contestant on Jeopardy,  but for a political faction still in the dark backwash of the November election it will have to be far more creative to salvage what little remains of their ideological boomerangs. 

There are an increasing number of apologies shaking out of the GOP's dirges these days.  Sen. Jim Bunning, of Kentucky, recanted his prediction that Justice Ruth Bader Ginzberg would be dead of pancreatic cancer in nine months.  How gross!   Earlier Sen. Richard Shelby of Alabama joined the small chorus of Obama detractors by saying that Obama was an alien and serving illegally.     One of Shelby's aides later said, gosh, the senator was only jesting.  Right.  

Unfortunately, the loyal opposition, usually welcome in the two-party system, has troubled itself into a silly cadre of playground bullies with little to show for their huffs and puffs.  They have become more tiresome than terrifying.    

Fun and charismatic games?

IT MAY BE too soon to put up another GALL award (Grumpy Abe Linguistic Lunacy) but I really must get to this one while it is at least still warm.  It goes to  Alex Boone,  the 328-pound 6-8 former Ohio State U. grid lineman who hopes to win a pro football contract.   Boone was the giant who was arrested in an  Alisio Viejo, Calif., parking lot after stomping on the hoods of cars and  causing other havoc before police finally were able to control him with a taser.   He reportedly clocked an alcohol content three times the legal limit, a problem that has beset him before.   Anyway, here's how Boone, a Lakewood, Oh.,  native, described his behavior to the Plain Dealer's Tony Grossi:

"...I think the biggest  thing is my personality off the field, maybe being more serious, not being so funny and charismatic about things."

And the unemployed aren't doing much better!

TODAY I have no choice but to humbly recognize Rep. Michele Bachmann, the Minnesota Republican,  for my occasional GALL ( Grumpy Abe Linguistic Lunacy) Award with full  knowledge that based on her track record she is quite capable of winning another - and still another - by midnight tomorrow.  During an interview with a conservative talk show host, she said she strongly  opposed the stimulus package because...    

   "We're running out of rich people in this country." 

E.J. Dionne: Good news and bad news

E.J. DIONNE JR., the first-tier Washington Post columnist  with markedly  progressive tendencies,  brought good news and bad news to the lectern at the Akron Roundtable luncheon Thursday.  He was quick to remind one of the larger turnouts in the airy ballroom of the Tangier the economy is as bad as most of us know it is, but the happier side of great crises is that they often bring out the best in all of us.  In his opening remarks, he reflected on something that former  Defense Secretary William Cohen, a Republican who served in the Clinton cabinet during the span of the second term, once said about the unshakable  critics of government: "Government is your enemy until you need a friend."   

(What is it about those folks from Maine -  which Cohen  once served as a U.S. Senator - to be ahead of the Republican curve, as are Sens. Collins and Snowe, who are already being branded by some of  their GOP colleagues as adulterers?)  Speaking to an audience made up mostly from  business people and professionals,   many of whom would not be expected to show up at a Democratic dogs 'n suds event, Dionne was gentle in his circumspect criticism of the Republican congressmen and their very conservative outlook in using President Obama as a king-size dart board in these days of horrible national stress.  "I hope,"he said, "we will have a little more partisan respect..." in dealing across the aisle.

That, of course, remains to forever  be seen.   The bombast from  the Republican pols on the stimulus package cast them as little more than foolish cranks guided by  the cantankerous eruptions of Rush Limbaugh, whose legacy to broadcast journalism  is laced with such x-rated notions that Parkinson's Disease can be a put-on, or Glenn Beck, who dismissed autism as  99 pct. fakery.  Yet few of their disciples on Capitol Hill have had the courage to denounce such nonsense. Instead, we can all remember the dreadful Georgia  congressman who abjectly begged forgiveness from Limbaugh.  At the same time, another congressman,  Republican House whip Eric Cantor,  doesn't hesitate to throw rose petals at Limbaugh's feet. 

On a more clinical level by a keen political scientist, Dionne did say he was puzzled  by something that occurred in John McCain's presidential campaign.  He said he didn't understand why McCain left the campaign to head back to Washington to work on the economic crises.  "In so doing,"  Dionne noted,  McCain simply put his campaign "in the hands of a congress controlled by Democrats."    For Dionne, it was a failed decision that probably cost the Republican senator any hope of winning.

But to witness McCain's caustic attacks on Obama now, you'd think he was still hoping for a recount.   It doesn't make any sense to me.  He's trying to lay down a bunt after the other side just enjoyed a grand slam.