If these fail, I'm here to suggest some others that could be a fertile source of revenue as we continue to price a college education beyond the reach of so many young people :
- With full apologies to the airlines, classroom seats would be charged according to comfortable access to the front of the room, with first class seats the most expensive, window seats overlooking the campus having an add-on fee, etc. etc. etc. To enter the room, students would be charged per textbook, iPad and cell phone in the backpack.
- Install pay toilets in every dormitory room, study hall and laboratory.
- Charge a minimum fee for use of elevators to be prorated on the number of floors sought by the student.
- Charge trustees a minimum fee for the wear-and-tear on their meeting rooms.
- Have all cell phone calls and text messages channeled through the University's main switchboard, limiting each student to 10 free minutes per semester.
- Charge parents and students admission fees for attending commencement.
- Provide additional parking for University officers in Barberton and charge them added fees for the convenience to see how they like it.
And you think I'm kidding, I'm sure!